Why I Will Never, EVER Apologize For Being A B*tch

The sugar and spice and everything nice dialogue has put women to the back of the bus for years.

woman putting lipstick on Ilya Morozov / Shutterstock

When was the last time a man apologized for being too direct, too firm, or too certain? Never! Not even in Adam & Eve's time did man bow down for being too assertive or aggressive.

Yet when we as women get a little assertive or aggressive suddenly, we're black widow spiders and b*tches. 

There's no room in our society for women to own the space they're in without someone putting in his or her two cents about how awful that woman is. Me? I make no apologies for when I'm a b*tch. Why should I apologize for being assertive and telling people the truth?


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Am I supposed to live my life on the sidelines, smiling sweetly while others walk all over me? Or not reach for my career goals and rather wait for them to happen for me magically with a spoon full of sugar?

I'm not saying I'm a jerk or rude but I tell people how I feel and participate in every activity or job I do 100 percent. I don't care if I'm the youngest, least experienced, only female, or the newest somewhere  if I have something to add to the conversation, I will add it.

So, women everywhere: Speak up or forever hold your peace! And when you hold your peace, you will swallow a bitter pill and waste moments of your life in which you could've been happy.


When someone hurts my feelings or insults me, I make no apologies for telling that person how I feel. I've been that way since childhood and I'm not about to stop. If being a b*tch means speaking my mind, guess what: I'm a b*tch for life and proud.

The sugar and spice and everything nice nonsense has served women no good since we first tempted Adam with the apple. Or perhaps we didn't tempt Adam; perhaps we were hungry and found a solution. (How were we to know what would unfold?) Maybe Eve wasn't a temptress but instead practical and famished and knew Adam was, too. Perhaps Eve was kind to give him that first bite.

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Requiring women and girls to be passive and kind at every step has put us in the back of many metaphorical buses for a lifetime.


And if you're a woman of color, forget about it! You've been doubly oppressed. A woman who identifies as something other than heteronormative? Well, you're just doing it all wrong, according to society.

Ignore that rhetoric junk. Be sweet at first, and if someone gives you sour, walk away. But I'll be damned if I hang around to suck up someone's foul mood sweetly.

When women are b*tches, we are certain, direct, empowered, confident, and wanting more of ourselves simply as men have wanted since the dawn of time.

Every single time I've asserted myself and asked someone to treat me better, I was called a b*tch. But if being a b*tch means being treated with respect and kindness, then allow me to wear that hat proudly.


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Think of all the times someone has ever called you a b*tch. Was the person doing something wrong, disrespectful, or insensitive before calling you that? I bet 99 percent of the time the answer is yes.

Being a b*tch isn't the same as being evil and cruel. A cruel woman insults another woman; a bitch tells the cruel woman where to go and then never, EVER deals with that cruel woman again.

A bitch tells you the truth when you're down and out and will be there to lift you up to tell you that you can do better. An evil woman will kick you while you're in the dirt and never turn back.


Instead of categorizing mean women as b*tches, call them what they are: mean, bad-to-the-bone people. When a woman is honest, forthright, and assertive, you can call her a b*tch; rest assured, she doesn't mind because she's too confident to care if you like her or not.

With a lot of spice and sass,

A B*tch


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Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, women’s issues, and parenting for The New York Times, Women’s Health, Working Mother, PopSugar, and more.