8 Signs It's DEFINITELY Time To Kick Your Kid Out Of Your Bed

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 Time To Kick Your Kid Out Of Your Bed

Prior to motherhood, I was completely and utterly against co-sleeping. I was very adamant that my kids would be sleeping in their own beds from the very moment they popped out of my womb.

Then it happened. My daughter, who for two years had been comfy and cozy in her crib, started rebelling. By rebelling, I mean she was crying, screaming and tantrum-ing at all hours of the night.

We tried a pleasant routine. We tried reassuring her. We even tried bribing her with trips to Europe. Nothing worked. She eventually just wound up in our bed and that's where she's been for the past four years.

It's not my ideal situation, but I've come to realize that being next to me at night provides her with great comfort. I understand. As a child, I was terrified of sleeping alone in my room. In fact, I probably slept with my mom until I was about eight years old.

I'm not saying that co-sleeping is without its challenges. I should know, as I live them each and every night. Recently, my husband and I have been discussing finally transitioning the princess out of our bed.

Here are some signs that you may be ready, too:

1. You frequently find yourself on the edge of the bed, give up, and resign yourself to the floor.

How is it possible that such a little person takes up so much room? My husband and I are much larger in stature and always respected each other's space. Not this kid. She owns the bed.

2. You wake up to feet in your face.

Or a slap in the head. Or those toenails scraping against your bare legs. Kids are so violent in the middle of the night! Sometimes I wake in the morning feeling as if I just barely survived a prize fight. I swear one day I'll be greeted with a black eye.

3. You have recurring nightmares about Chucky murdering you.

Then you open your eyes and realize that it's your kid's creepy doll that's been scaring the sh*t out of you all night. You sigh, go back to sleep, and resume the bad dreams.

4. Your bed has stuffed animals from My Little Pony, Hello Kitty, Ninja Turtles, and about 50 Barbie dolls.

You're just a visitor. When did stuffed animals become more important than mommy? And why are there so many? When I was a kid, I was happy with my one teddy bear.

5. You can't remember the last time you and your partner were intimate in the bed you once shared.

This calls for a creative sex life. Frequently overheard in a co-sleeping home: "Meet you at 11 PM in the dining/living room/kitchen." How romantic.

6. You take part in a never-ending battle for that damn blanket.

I'm freezing, but I give up the fight. It was a valiant effort and she won. She can have the stupid comforter. Summertime will come around soon enough, and I'll no longer have to awake with frostbite.

7. You find all sorts of bodily fluids between the sheets.

Oh sure, it's all fun and games until the dreaded stomach virus hits the household. Your little sweetheart decides to throw up on your favorite pillow; the one that's freshly laundered. It's also the one night when you forget to put the mattress protector on. Fun.

8. You just finished filling out her college applications.

Yes, there does come a time when the party must end. Surprisingly, your precious darling just might be the one initiating the transition. It may even make you a little bit melancholy. That is, until you realize you get to have your blanket back. Sweet dreams!