Don’t Let Past Unhealthy Relationships Keep You From Finding LOVE!

If you've never been in a truly loving relationship, you're not alone.

You'll find countless people asking the same incredibly painful question  "Why doesn't anyone seem to love me?"  on Twitter, Quora and even our own YourTango Facebook page.


Though you can find relationship advice in every nook and cranny online (and in the few remaining book stores out there), what does that search for answers and wisdom really lead to?  

As a culture, we obviously struggle with the pain of loneliness when we're not in a loving relationship. And, according to a Consumer Expenditure survey, singles spend 1.9 trillion each year on everything from clothes, to going out to eat, to seeking out relationship advice. (Yes, you read that right — 1.9 TRILLION!).

So not only is being single lonely ... it's also expensive!

And yet, while we hunt, search, explore and try out lots of love options, many of us still end up in unhealthy, unsatisfying relationships that leave us feeling even further from our heart's desire ... being truly loved by another.

Why?! Why does finding love feel so hard and elusive?  

We took this very question to our esteemed YourTango Experts and asked their opinions. After all, they're the ones making a living helping people face and overcome this "I'm unlovable" debacle.

Who better to start with than the love doctor herself, Dr. Pat Love, accompanied by board certified coach and radio show host Joan Jerkovich, certified coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger, relationship coach Barbara Ann Williams and YourTango Expert's VP, Melanie Gorman?

The panel debated this complex question from several angles including: How can someone know what a healthy relationship looks/feels like if they've never experienced one? What if someone is hung up on their ex? And, How can you inspire yourself out of a serious love-funk?

As the panel concluded, the best advice from the group boiled down to one required step: To find love, you have to change your attitude about love.  


Sure, there are action steps to take, programs to work and healing to accomplish, but those tools alone cannot bring true love to you IF you're mired in negative, stinkin' thinkin.'

To change your experience with love, you must change your MIND about love. You must first mentally embrace the possibility that true love can happen (to you!), and then live into this possibility fully as you work on your own issues.

As for "issues," we all have them. Watch the video above to get a sense of what some of those are for you. We're all different and need a unique formula to get this ball really rolling.

Just remember, there's nothing a therapist, coach, guru, book, course or training can do if you don't start believing that you're worthy of love and that love is out there for you.

And if you forget, come back and watch the video again. Or better yet, give one of the Experts on the panel a call.