Don't say, "Relax." Just don't.
By Charles J. Orlando and John Gray and Leah Benson and Atul Kumar Mehra and Cara Cordoni — Written on Aug 18, 2015
Stress can be a serious pain — between work deadlines, raising a family, saving money, paying pills and maintaining your marriage, it just keeps building.
And you eventually explode (usually at the person you love the most).
It's important to find a way to relieve the stress, both for your health and for the sake of your relationship.
Not sure how to go about it? In the video above, author and host Charles J. Orlando, author John Gray, life coach and speaker Cara Cordoni, licensed psychotherapist and bioenergetic analyst Leah Benson and counselor and therapist Atul Kumar Mehra say that it's not difficult — all you need is a bit of compassion and a whole lot of love.
Here's what they say will help:
1. Relieve Your Own Stress
Before helping your partner out with his/her stress, focus on your own and keep it under control. (Adding more stress just salts the wound.)
Take some well-earned breaks from your daily life to do things that make you feel happy and stress-free. Then, once your life has regained balance, help your partner find balance of his/her own.
2. Don't Make It WORSE
Know the right way to offer help. While women like to have affectionate comfort and a caring hand, men like to distance themselves to figure it out on their own. "When men are under stress, the last thing they want you to do is help them unless they are asking for it," explains John Gray in the video above.
Don't create more stress by bombarding your partner with too many questions or distancing yourself when he/she wants your help and affection. (Don't say, "Relax. It's no big deal!" That doesn't help. Remember: salt and wound!)
"[The] best thing you can do is be happy ... if you're happy, men take credit for your happiness, and that already makes him feel better."
But if your partner is a woman, Gray suggests a different approach: "[Notice] what's she's doing. Don't try to talk her out of what she's doing, but offer her help," he says. "Don't even verbally offer help. Just start doing things around her, whatever she's doing, that's helpful so she begins to feel she's not alone. And at some point — when you feel it's appropriate — give her a hug."
Don't underestimate the power of a good hug!
Want more stress relieving advice? Watch the YourTango Experts video above!