Self, Heartbreak

Is Your Partner Abusive? Here Are 2 Ways To Find Out

When you feel truly in love with your partner, it's not uncommon to appear blinded to their actions. When those hurtful actions are directed at you, it may seem like YOU are the one at fault for your partner's anger and hateful treatment. 

Many victims of abuse carry the weight of their abuser. They feel as if they have done something wrong to upset their partner and find ways of avoiding making him or her angry. While the intentions behind this are loving, their efforts go unnoticed, as the abuse only worsens the longer the dangerous, abusive relationship continues. 

According to WomenSafe, "The batterer degrades her into believing that she is incompetent and incapable of managing the simplest tasks of daily life or personal interactions. When she expresses dissatisfaction or unhappiness, he convinces her that she is to blame. He makes her believe that if she would only change, if she would only do as he says, their life together would be as perfect and as happy as they know it can be." 

Host and author Charles J. Orlando, counselor, therapist and author Dr. John Gray, marriage and couples counselor Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, life coach Shannon Rios Paulsen and counselor and therapist Jennifer Maddox say that this is NEVER the victim's fault. If you are still unsure if you are stuck in an abusive relationship, here are two of the warning signs. 

1. This Isn't Physical Harm, BUT What Other Harm Was Caused?

There are many forms of abuse, such as emotional, financial and sexual, other than the physical bruises and scars. Pinpoint what harm has been done even though these are more difficult to realize and easily overlooked. 

Jennifer Maddox makes a disheartening point that, "Somebody will stay with somebody, and they will withstand, take that abuse until they go, 'Well, at least, he hasn't hit me, you know? At least, he's not hurting me in some way.' They're just disregarding these really, really important signs of abuse that happen before we start going down the road of a real, physically violent situation."

2. Has Someone Recognized The Abuse Toward You?

You may not realize the abuse, but the people who are close with you can look from the outside in on your relationship. If someone else notices this before you do, take their perspective into account to reflect on the actions of your partner. 

The expert panel discusses some more warning signs of any form of abusive relationships above. Scroll to the video above if you feel that your relationship in going down this dangerous path.