5 Ways You KILL Your Relationship With Men (Without Realizing It)

Photo: WeHeartIt

In a previous article, "Dance With Her (And 9 More Ways To Earn Her Forever Love)", I spoke to men about ways to increase their chances of sustaining a long-lasting and devoted partnership.

I often read about or hear women discussing the latest advice on how to keep a man, or how to rock his world in bed. Those types of articles have contributed to the continued divide between women and men regarding relationships. That advice has women believing there's a magic formula to keeping a man interested in you.

But you can't keep a man who won't be kept, no matter what magic trick you perform in bed.

It's your connection to your partner that makes it unique, not the techniques you've picked up in a magazine. After all, the next woman he meets probably read the same article.

Women do a few things that ensure a failed relationship, but before you fly off the handle, take a second to look at things from a man's perspective. You might understand why you and your significant other have quit on each other.

1. You disclose the "dirty details" to your friends.

Women with girlfriends who know more about you than he does are less likely to have a devoted partner. And if you share details of your personal intimacies in your relationship, especially your bedroom activities, you don't deserve his devotion in the first place.

How would you feel if you knew he was discussing the details of your body or skills with his friends? And please, don't think we don't know that you're doing it. Any guy with a modicum of intelligence knows.

Plus, your friends aren't really good at hiding the fact that they know more about us than we'd like them to. Interestingly enough, women who are in fabulous relationships tend not to share any details of their intimate relationship with their friends.

Men like to feel that they're part of an exclusive team; don't deprive them of that by letting others know what's going on in the locker room. Instead, do right by your partner and talk to him about how you feel.

2. You think you can change/fix us.

Ladies, we will only modify our behavior if we're convinced that doing so will make us happier, better men. Any modification to our behavior based on your insistence will not be sustained.

The reality is that you'll see the best part of us when you start dating us. This is when we're trying to impress you. From that point on, you'd better hang on because those little habits you sort of don't care for will later generate a raging wave of resentment towards us.

So, when you consider making a life with a man, look to how his actions make you feel, then listen to his words to see what they make you think of him as a partner.

If his actions make you feel insignificant in his life, cut him loose. And if his words make you think he's unkind or inconsiderate, head for the hills. Just don't try to change or fix us — because you can't. We aren't broken; we're just not for you.

3. You settle for a man who doesn't absolutely do it for you in bed.

When a woman is truly into a man, she'll do almost anything for him. The idea of pleasing him fills her with joy. She craves him physically to the point where she can't sit still with thoughts of him.

It may be true that that level of intensity doesn't last forever, but what are you expecting down the road if your level of attraction is lukewarm from the beginning? Intimacy is the most important element of a romantic relationship. Period.

It's the primary thing that distinguishes your relationship from all others in your life. You can have every other element with friends or family, but it's with him that you can bare your body and soul.

And let's be honest: if he rocks your world in the bedroom, you can easily overlook that he sometimes forgets to take out the trash.

4. You bombard us with social media and technology.

Set aside the Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and other social media. Women need to stop creating an alternative universe — a fantasyland — if they hope to have a rewarding relationship.

Honestly, do you really think spending hours reading about other people's trips to the grocery store, or looking at pictures of people's pets, or reading recipes you'll never attempt truly improves your life?

Stop watching how everyone else is living and start writing your own story, and living your own life. Every time we look over at you and you're on Facebook, we move further away from you emotionally, every single time.

5. You fail to understand and embrace what interests the man in your life.

Not so much what, but why a particular thing interests him so much. If you can understand and embrace his interests before you get too far down the line, you'll be able to share his passion.

If not, you'll be embarking on a life where you both look outside the relationship for satisfaction. You'll be existing in each others presence, but not truly living life together.

For example, his passion may be watching football games on the weekends. You may hate watching football, so why in the world would you commit to a man whose hobby will occupy your entire weekends for a good part of your life? On the flip side, if you understand and appreciate the value of why he loves football, you might have a shot.

This is my abbreviated analogy on women and relationships:

Women start relationships by figuratively offering up 100 slices of pizza to her partner. Every time a man disappoints her, it's like removing a slice. And women are very different than men; they don't forget disappointments (slices removed).

Eventually, so many slices have been removed that they're ready to ask for the check on the relationship. Funny thing is, they'll stay and watch us eat (disappoint) a ton of slices, but they've actually checked out on us.

The question remaining: How many slices must be removed before she literally walks out?

Ladies, don't commit to a man if you're down several slices right out of the gate. You'll save yourself a ton of misery if you ask for the check early on.