13 WTF Moments From 'The Bachelor' Premiere

The Bachelor, Chris Soules, ABC

2015 has been kind to us who sit around and watch girls fight over the affections of one man. The Bachelor premiered tonight, and it was three hours long (yes, three hours, because clearly Chris Harrison wants us to kill ourselves while we watch the show). The beginning was promising and full of farmer Chris Soules aimlessly wandering around a his million dollar farm while pondering about his loveless life. Sorry, but when you live in a town of 450 people you probably sleep with most of them before you graduate high school.

Then we had to sit through a God awful red carpet when Chris Harrison was pushing Nikki to talk s*it about Juan Pablo for about 15 minutes, which she wonderfully avoided. This was followed by an awkward Andi and Josh pretending to still be in love and "hanging out together" instead of planning their wedding. There were "fans" screaming on the red carpet for The Bachelor. Let that sink in for a moment. I am hoping they were all paid actors. But after about an hour of literal nonsense, it happened. The girls came and along with it, some beautiful WTF moments.

Here are 13 WTF moments from the premiere of ABC's The Bachelor:

The great onion/pomegranate debate from the ever so smart Ashley … Hey girl, onions don't grow on trees:


Speaking of Ashley, when she basically told some girl to go away because she was there first:

Panda Whale

The drunk country girl who couldn't even handle her booze at the rose ceremony:


The fact that he picked the wasted girl to continue on:


That time Whitney opened her mouth and spoke:


Those farming metaphors about love though … stop trying to convince us that farming is anything like dating:


Flight attendant jokes are never funny, bye Alissa:


At the red carpet when Lacy Faddoul said she and Marcus were 80/40 on their wedding date. God, IQ tests should be required for these women:


Kimberly refusing to leave…and then making us wait till next week to see why. Damn you, Chris Harrison:


When Reegan tried to impress him with her creepy career as a cadaver tissue saleswoman. Nope:


Brittany's dress. I am still waiting for the other half to show up:


That ballet dancer who lives at home because she doesn't like cleaning or cooking or being an adult:


When they aired the montage of crying women at the end: