An Actual Ghost Crashed My Date

Photo: Anki Hoglund / Shutterstock
True Dating Horror Story: A Ghost Almost Ruined My Love Life

True story: I was out with my girlfriend and we saw a ghost. It wasn't a planned part of the date, either. It's not like I was like "Hey, let's do something special tonight and go find a wandering spirit!"

We're not that kind of white people who go hunting for stuff like this (though those people do exist and make lots of bank on cable networks). This ghost was crashing our date, which was both rude and terrifying.

It was terrifying for obvious reasons. I mean, it's a being from the other side. We call it a ghost, but we don't know for sure. It could have been a demon or something like that.

You never know with these things. All I know is that when a ghost shows up, it's time to go.

It was rude, though, because it ruined the date. What do you do after you see a ghost? Go get some ice cream? Nope. No one wants to do that.

Once you see a spirit, the date is over and you go home and sleep with the lights on and contemplate calling your mom.

It's not like we were doing anything at the time that would rightfully annoy a ghost. We were at a museum, and we were following all the rules and everything. We weren't messing with the displays or stealing things.

We were museum-ing (not a real word) the right and proper way, and the ghost still had to mess with us.

My girlfriend and I were standing in a room and we were the only ones there, and she mentioned it had kind of a weird vibe, but I figured it was just because we were surrounded by weird old stuff. I had my back to her.

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Suddenly, she was like "Uh, Mike, that door just moved on its own!" I turned around, and before I could be like "No it didn't, are you high on codeine again?" the door opened and shut all on its own as if on cue.

There wasn't anyone standing there, no one in the next room, and a breeze didn't do it: The knob turned and clicked twice. My girlfriend and I are skeptics by nature, but this was just off. There's only one possible explanation! (Right?)

It's a ghost! I don't know what the rules of being a ghost are, so maybe it had to scare us. The thing is, not everyone who attends the museum sees a ghost, so it seems like it has some choice in who it gets to scare.

It chose us, so I'm assuming that this ghost is a jerk, or just has really good taste in butts because my girlfriend and I have great butts.

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It's the ghost of some jerk whose unfinished business on this planet was still being a jerk (or an ass-man, maybe).

I'm glad that ghost is stuck haunting that dumb museum because it's a museum and not somewhere really interesting. That's what it gets for being a jerk.

It has to haunt a lame place instead of a cool place. Ugh. Our friend who works at the museum told us later on that there have been a bunch of other sightings there too, including disembodied torsos, screams, and other cool stuff like that.

So not only did the ghost ruin our date, it didn't even give us the best show. It just showed up, moved a door, and then moved on, doing the bare minimum possible to ensure we didn't get laid that night. Double ugh.

Where's Venkman when you need him?

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Mike is a stand up comedian from New Jersey who performs nationwide as well as regularly in New York City.