RIP Society: This Is What Happens When You Poke Someone On FB?!

I'm starting to think that social media accounts really need to do an IQ check before people sign up

Facebook poke

If there's anything to be learned about life, it's that you don't poke the girlfriend of your friend. You just don't. Poking someone else's girlfriend is just bad form all around. You may think you're being discreet with your poking, but at some point, someone is going to have a bit too much to drink, and all that poking that's been going on will be out in the open. Feelings will be hurt, drama will ensue, and if you're not careful, a homicide could be in the very near future. Basically, poking is bad.


Once upon a time to "poke" someone, a woman most specifically, meant to have the sexy times with them, at least this is what Urban Dictionary tells us, and does Urban Dictionary lie? Sometimes; but in this case, not so much. Similar to the term "pork," another equally grotesque and offensive euphemism, for getting it on, they're both pretty much in the same chapter of outdated terminology for banging. In fact, they make banging sound like "making love," to be honest. However, thanks to Facebook, to "poke" someone means something a little bit different, although I'm sure the tongue-in-cheek meaning is still there. And while the physical aspect of this brand of poking might be missing from equation, it's definitely not going to be in your best interest if a jealous boyfriend is involved. Case in point: Scott Humphrey.


After Humphrey found out that his friend Richard Rovetto had "poked" his girlfriend, things went a bit a wonky. Apparently, Humphrey, after realizing that the aforementioned poking was indeed legit, said to Rovetto, "If you're such a good friend why did you poke my missus?" What followed was Humphrey repeatedly punching Rovetto, who eventually hit his head on the pavement. Tragically, that was the finally blow that ended his life, and all over what? Poking.

Humphrey, a clearly jealous boyfriend with an obvious penchant for getting into fisticuffs over NOTHING, was sentenced to a mere four years and four months in prison, because he was said to be "genuinely remorseful," of his actions. But I can't imagine that Rovetto's family, his child especially, would agree with the judge on the extremely light sentence; but I digress.

I have a lot of issues with Facebook; so much so that I deactivate my account a couple times a year. At the end of the day, I'm not really sure what purpose Facebook is genuinely serving. It's been the catalyst for divorce, bullying, and now murder over effing "poking," a stupid, pointless action that my best friend and sister used to do at least once a week just to annoy me.

My heart breaks for all of the people involved in the death of Rovetto. His lost life, of course, is the greatest tragedy of all, but the fact that Humphrey was SO offended and insulted by such a ridiculous Facebook option, is just as heartbreaking. I think social media, when used correctly, is a great asset, but when people stop seeing it for what it really is — a way to kill time — then that's when things go awry and senselessness comes into play.


Not to be a jerk, but I'm starting to think that social media accounts really need to do an IQ check, before letting people like Humphrey sign up. I mean, because, come on! You killed your friend over a poke? What a jackass.