8 Grossest Things Animals Do For Love

Photo: Martin Prochazkacz / Shutterstock
8 Grossest Things Animals Do For Love
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Love

If we want to be completely honest with ourselves, humans have been known to do some weird things for love. But it looks like there are a few animals who may have us beat by a long-shot.

Normally, we'd say that we don't want to judge , but in this case, yeah, we're totally judging. The animal kingdom can just be downright strange when it comes to their version of romance. 

RELATED: This Old Grumpy Feral Cat Met Some Kittens And Proved How Powerful Love Is

These monkeys, fish and giraffes are giving us a run for our money in the "odd things we do for love" department. Prepare yourself to be thoroughly repulsed out by the nastiest things that animals do for their mates.

The 8 grossest things animals do for love:

1. Capuchin Monkey

Capuchin monkeys make some pretty bizarre attempts to get a potential mate's attention. Female capuchins whine and pout to try to attract a mate, and when that doesn't work, they start throwing things, like stones. 

Why use Tinder when you can just throw a stone at the next person who catches your eye? (Please don't ever actually do this.) 

But if you think that's strange, male capuchins are even stranger when it comes to grabbing a mate's attention. They use urine like cologne, splashing it on liberally to attract a mate. And you thought Axe smelled bad?

2. Male White-Fronted Parrot

If you thought that your first kiss was bad, believe us when we say that it doesn't even compare to a White-Fronted Parrot's "kiss." The male White-Fronted Parrot will vomit into the female’s mouth as a part of their mating ritual. I’ll stick to first base, thank you very much.

3. Queen Bee

Queen Bees have it rough. Assuming they make it to adulthood, they go on a mating flight (their version of The Bachelorette, if you will), chased by multiple male drones who are all trying to impregnate her at once.

The “winner” gets the privilege of having his DNA live on... and an exploded penis for his troubles, followed by death. Yikes.

RELATED: Dolphins Are Enamored By A Nursing Mom At The Zoo

4. Giraffe

Giraffes will perform what is known as the Fleshmen Sequence, wherein the male will use his head to nudge the female’s backside in order to induce urination.

If he likes what he tastes (yes, tastes), the male will then begin to court the female. What is it with animals and urine?

5. Whiptail Lizard

This one will make your head spin. Male Whiptail Lizards... do not exist. All Whiptail Lizards are female, and reproduce by cloning themselves.

For whatever freaky reason, they like to perform pseudocopulation with another female lizard before beginning the cloning process.

6. Cichlid Fish

Cichlid fish fertilize their eggs in a less than savory way. After laying her eggs, the female carries them around in her mouth.

Thinking that the spots on a nearby male’s body are lost eggs, she will attempt to suck them up, and gets a spray of semen for her efforts.

7. Flatworm

For this creature, fencing is the way to one's heart... sort of. Flatworms are hermaphroditic, and thus, both partners can participate in genital fencing, which is exactly what it sounds like.

Two flatworms try to stab each other while avoiding being stabbed themselves, and the “loser” gets the joy of motherhood.

8. Long-tailed Macaque

The Long-tailed Macaque males will groom females in order to earn mating rights. They will eat the bugs right off of a chosen mate. How romantic.

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Kristen Droesch is a writer, editor, librarian-in-progress, and filthy olive addict.