Love, Sex

5 Love Tips For Anastasia Steele In '50 Shades Darker'

50 shades darker

SPOILER ALERT: Only read this article after reading "50 Shades Darker." And, of course, reading our original advice for Ana: 5 Love Tips For Anastasia Steele In 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'

Dear Anastasia,

Let me get this straight — after only FIVE days of being away from Christian, you've rekindled your romance already? Geez, that didn't take long! I'm thrilled you're back with your man, but it's obvious you're still tormented by your own issues with your sex life, his past and your future together. Let me let you in on some advice:

1. You are not alone. "I have spoken to no one, not even my mother or Ray … I have become my own island state. A ravaged, war-torn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak." Ana, I've told you once and I'll tell you again, don't isolate yourself in your grief or confusion! Every self-help book and therapist on the planet will tell you to talk to someone about your feelings. You're not the only emotionally tortured and sexually confused twenty-something out there. Plenty of people dabble and engage in an S&M lifestyle and alternative types of relationships. Google "BDSM" and see what comes up. Ask some questions on the message boards. Visit YourTango or pick up a copy of Cosmopolitan. Hell, use your billionaire boyfriend's money to buy some goodies at Agent Provocateur. You're not the only "bad girl" out there and you don't have to "suffer" alone. You need a support system! 12 Times '50 Shades Darker' Got Us All Hot And Bothered

2. Timing is everything. After building trust and letting your love develop, Christian has finally let you touch him in the "forbidden zone." He even begs you for it now. You've made progress by being patient, so why not do this in other aspects of your relationship? After you make love with Christian, romp in the playroom, hold hands at a masquerade ball, spend time with his family, open your eyes in the morning while in his arms — why do you feel the need to constantly bring up the WORST aspects of your relationship and his past? The Anastasia Steele inquisition seems even tougher (and more poorly timed) than the Katherine Kavanaugh inquisition. Sometimes, questions can wait and silence is golden. Don't ruin the most tender moments of your relationship. Read more...

More juicy content from YourTango:

3. It's not your business to discover EVERY shade of Christian Grey. "He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved. Why does he feel that way? Does it have to do with his upbringing? His birth mom, the crack whore?" While it's normal to want to get to know the man you love, it's unreasonable to expect that he share every thought, emotion and moment of his life with you. Furthermore, it's not your job to justify everything he does with something that's happened in his past. Get to know Christian, but concern yourself with yourself. You're 22 years old and just coming into your own — you're in the midst of a sexual awakening and the start of your first job. Don't forget to search the colors of your own mind, heart and journey.

4. Let the past be the past. Sure, you are curious about Christian's very own Mrs. Robinson and stalker ex-submissive, Leila. It's natural to be interested in Christian's past relationships and ex-subs, but don't dwell on these women any more than you have to or you will be letting them win. Moreover, don't use bits and pieces of information about them to gauge your relationship with Christian. Do you remember the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie has a nightmare about being in bed with Mr. Big and his ex-wife? Don't let your mind bring other people — especially past lovers — into your present relationship.

5. Love doesn't always make sense, but even when it doesn't, it's still okay to go for it. You wanted hearts and flowers, and you got them, along with an oval diamond platinum engagement ring. Congratulations to the soon-to-be Mrs. Christian Grey! Even though your relationship at times may be difficult and you may not understand your feelings or the many shades of Christian, love doesn't always make sense. That doesn't mean it can't be wonderful. As the French mathematician/writer Blaisé Pascal once said, "The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of." Your heart knows your truth, whether it makes sense or not. Always let that be your guide.

Someone who wants your love to last.