Dating Disaster: The Homebody Who Loved Chinese Food & Pot

chinese food

I will spare you the details of how and where Jim and I met because our first date was ridiculous. All you need to know about Jim comes out in the one sentence he uttered to me on our first and final date. He wasted much more of my time than I am willing to waste of yours. I value you too much.

I arrived at his house for our first date after being excited all day. I approached his dumpy unkempt house and knocked on the door. I suppose the condition of the exterior of his house should have given me some type of warning, but as I said, I was excited.

I knocked on the door.

Instead of the knob turning and my date greeting me warmly with a hug and a kiss, I heard a shout, "Come in."

Strike one. He had already lost major points for not coming to the door to greet me. Dating Disaster: He Was Just Waiting For The Aliens To Take Him

I opened the door and there he was in all his amazing glory. He was sitting on his couch in sweatpants and a wife-beater tank top. Strike two.

His house was a wreck. Strike three. There were pizza boxes piled up on the coffee table. Empty beer cans were squished on the floor, on the couch, and all over the place. His house was dark and scary—like what I thought a serial killer's home might look like. I started looking around to see if he had ropes and tape nearby or a well in the center of the room. He didn't.

Not spotting any instruments of my impending murder, I sat down on the couch next to him and said, "Do you need me to give you time to get ready?" I was hoping he would get the clue that he looked like hell and I was not going out with him looking like that. Dating Disaster: Are You A "Businessman" Or A Pimp?

Deep down I was convinced he just wasn't ready and that he was going to jump in the shower and clean up. Regardless, the condition of this house was unforgettable and truly frightening. I was seriously scared and I wanted to get the hell out of there.

He looked right at me, with a stone-cold-serious face, and said, "Are you cool with stayin' in, ordering Chinese food, and getting high?"

I didn't say a single word. I turned around and left. I Went On A Date With A Guy Who Stank Like Hot Garbage

Instead of slamming the door like a drama queen, I left it open so that his gross, filthy, lazy ass would have to get up and close it himself.

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I walked to my car, got in, locked the doors, and called my friend Sabrina from my cell phone to see if she was free to go out, and she met me out for dinner.

NOT Chinese food!

This story was excerpted from Eddie Campbell's 44 Horrible Dates. Check out more great books from @Sourcebooks.

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