Want Help With Chores? Have You Tried Sexual Favors?
If he won't do the chores, offer him a blow job, says a married female GQ writer.
Almost every cohabiting couple tiffs over household chores now and then. When faced with a dirty sink, most of us will resort to one of two things: nagging our guy until he gives in, or doing it ourselves even though it's definitely not our turn. Unless you're naturally generous, the latter usually leads to resentment, which is why Kelly Oxford, a contributor to GQ magazine, suggests that women offer men sexual favors in exchange for doing the chores.
Yes, you read that correctly. Imagine coming home to a trash can overflowing with banana peels and a pizza box from two days ago. The last thing you want to do is haul it out, but your guy's tired too and you're way past the spontaneous chivalry stage. Instead of wheedling him about being a gentleman, try offering him a blow job! Oxford also suggests miming a sexy gesture. The next thing you know, the trash will be empty and the two of you will be on the floor (after he washes his hands, of course).
It doesn't even have to be chores, she says. Say you're craving a Slurpee but it's late at night and both of you are in your pajamas. Offer to have sex on the balcony, and he'll be out the door. Over time, you can adjust these favors according to what it is you demand. If your request comes in three parts (run to the store for moisturizer, hair bands and Red Bull), offer "a three-position sex session" along with something kinky, like fishnet stockings.
The best thing about this arrangement is that it will make everyone happy. She gets a clean house and everyone has some great sex. Oxford says that sex bartering has become so integral to her married life that she can't look at dads on duty without thinking about how many hours of sex he'll get that night. As far as rules go, only agree to acts that you're both down for trying. Also, a deal is a deal, so don't back out from agreeing to talk dirty in Klingon, or whatever weird thing he wanted in exchange for scrubbing the tiles.
We do realize that this arrangement veers into delicate territory. Yes, everyone loves a sparkling kitchen and a steamy bedroom session, but we're talking about bartering here. People feel uncomfortable negotiating salaries and prices for designer knockoffs, let alone offering their bodies in exchange for doing the vacuuming. As Oxford reminds us, the bottom line is that this is a win-win, fun arrangement for both partners. The minute that changes, it no longer will work and that old marital plague of resentment will return.
What do you think? Would you try this?