Love, Heartbreak

Dear Husband: 10 Man-Toys Of Yours We'd LOVE To Throw Out

Photo: WeHeartIt

Back in 2009, the girlfriend of men's nightmares took a golf club to her boyfriend's Xbox 360, simply because he wasn't showing her enough attention. A small (OK, a large) part of us gave a mental fist pump.

After all, we know what it's like to be overshadowed by our man's favorite toys. The other part of us wanted to tell this guy to get a restraining order. Still, it's fun to daydream about what we'd demolish, if only we weren't afraid of incurring psycho status. And so, here are the top 10 items of his we wish we could toss out the window:

1. Your new laptop.

Because when he buys a laptop (or any other shiny, new gadget), it is inevitable that he will spend the rest of the weekend installing the latest, geek-chic operating system, playing around with Skype, and fiddling with the display theme instead of spending time with you.

2. Your gaming system du jour.

Because we sympathize with Xbox Girl. We really do. Especially because we experienced a similarly frustrating scenario when our man became addicted to World of Warcraft. We were so tempted to sneak into his system and delete his account. (But we didn't!) Come on, man. At least indulge us with some two-player games!

3. Your iPod.

Because he often fiddles with it in the car instead of watching the road, and we fear for our lives. For the love of god.

4. Your stash of Red Bull.

Because it makes his breath smell like cough medicine. No kisses for him! Slim Jims could go, too, come to think of it.

5. Your "Adult Entertainment" collection.

Because ... well ... we have nothing against pornography. Heck, we even have our own naughty drawer. But the sheer volume of your Penthouse stash makes us nervous, and we totally wish that you'd invest in something naughty that we could enjoy together. 

6. Your bedspread that looks like a throwback to the '70s.

And the gargoyle he made in elementary school. And everything else that effs up the feng shui we so carefully created in our shared abode.

7. Your dirty laundry.

Because, for some reason, it never ends up in the hamper. Rather, it ends up in a growing pile in front of the closet door, and then his shoes can't be put away and end up where we're sure to trip over them and, someday, we're going to break our necks because of the damn laundry pile. 

8. Your old t-shirt with the holes in it.

Because people sometimes think we're dating a homeless man.

9. Your DVD collection.

Because, sometimes, it seems that all he ever watches are cartoons. We love the occasional Family Guy and South Park episodes, but we also like to watch real people moving across the screen now and again. 

10. Your iPhone.

The worst offender of all, we'd like to do a lot more than just toss it out the window. We've actually had dreams of taking a sledgehammer to it, or throwing it out of a fast-moving car. Because he's always checking it — when we're out to dinner, when we're in the car together, when we have company over — and such behavior is rude. We love you, but it's rude.

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