I'm Always The First To Say "I Love You"

Guys, it appears, tend to say "I love you" first.

i love you

Our homeys at Asylum recently referenced a study revealing it takes the average guy seven months to say the three magic words: "Let's eat acid." Kidding, it's "I love you," of course, and the average woman takes eight months to say the same phrase. 

This news karate-chops stereotypes about a certain gender getting weak in the knees regarding certain feelings. Theoretically, both partners could say it at the same time, but in real life someone has to take off his/her proverbial clothes first… and that person is almost always me. Poll: When Do You Say I Love You?


Maybe I have screw loose or I heed too seriously the advice to "love like you've never been hurt," because when I fall, I do it fast and hard—and it doesn't take me seven months to turn those feelings into words. My timetable is fairly truncated. So truncated, in fact, that I'm afraid that if I put it in writing some guys dressed in lab coats will show up and confiscate my testes.

Our friends at The Frisky may miss the point a little bit. They have an article advising ladies to never say "I love you" first—it's 100 percent worth reading, but I think it's wrongheaded. When you say, "I love you," you shouldn't say it just to hear it back. The only reason to say it is because that's how you feel. Sure, some people say it because it might lead to sex, they've consumed some liquor or they're reacting to chemicals released during sex (hello, oxytocin) but none of those really count. If you feel it, say it. The only reason to wait is for safety's sake—it's a good idea to make sure the other person doesn't pepper spray you or take a header out of a third story window.


More Juicy Content From YourTango:
The Dangers of Saying 'I Love You' Too Soon
Poll: When Is It OK To Say I Love You
How To Say 'I Love You' A Different Way

Gender stereotypes are generally based in reality, but we accept and reenact things like "men are afraid of commitment" and "women have to be convinced to have sex" because they are comfortable and relatable tropes. But success in anything interpersonal means separating a new person from the rest of the people you've known before and exiting your comfort zone, you know? I know it sounds awfully pie-in-the-sky, but stealing second base is borderline impossible with your foot on first (if you'd like more inspirational platitudes, please talk to Dr. Phillip McGraw). Chances are he or she is not "the one" if a relatively early "I love you" sends him/her for the hills. You have to take a few risks here and there.

I don't know much, but I do know that saying it is as important as hearing it, and you're doing yourself a disservice always, in every situation, waiting to say it second.

I would love to hear your thoughts.