3 Tips For Dealing With Your Kids' New Stepmom

How to deal with your children's new stepmom after you've divorced their dad.

britney spears joint custody

Kevin Federline, Britney Spears' baby-daddy, is in talks to star in a new reality show starring himself, his new, live-in girlfriend Victoria Prince, and possibly his and Brit's two kids, Jayden James and Sean Preston, according to MTV News.

Normally there's be nothing remarkable about this—D-list celebrities signing their lives away for money and dubious notoriety isn't new. The interesting part is that Kevin Federline lives with another woman, and since he and Britney share custody of the two children, the new girlfriend sees the kids at least as much as Brit. (According to TMZ, during her tour Britney is seeing the kids more than 50 percent of the time, but after the tour they go back to splitting it 50/50.) Brit-Brit is apparently OK with the reality show. No news on whether she's OK with another woman looking after her kids. 15 Common Divorce Mistakes


So how do you deal with a situation where your kids are spending a lot of time around a new mother figure? We turned to the experts at First Wives World for help on dealing with your kids' step-mom.

Step 1: Getting Along With Your Spouse

  • Be nice when you talk to him—which means choosing your words carefully so small barbs and passive aggressive comments don’t slip in. Using phrases like "if you wouldn't mind" and "please." Don't, as the NY Post reported, call him K-Fatterline, even if he's gained weight.
  • Do what you say you're going to do. Be on time, don't switch up the schedule at the last minute and if you must change, apologize. Your life may be a circus, but when you're late for the third time, no matter how tight your red latex body suit is, saying "oops, I did it again" won't cut it.
  • Don't say nasty things about him to other people. It may feel good in the moment, but it can only hurt in the long run—especially if you speak poorly about him in front of you kids. After all, you married him! 5 Reasons Not To Air Your Ex's Dirty Laundry

Step 2: Getting Along With His Wife.

  • FWW says you don't have to be friends with her. "We choose our friends, not our relatives, and in a sense your ex's new wife is a step relative." But you do have to be civil. "This is in the best interests of your kids, who have been through enough and may be having a hard time with their new stepmother."

Step 3: Co-parenting. 

  • Control your feelings. Forget that he's a womanizer, a jerk, a wreck and approach him rationally instead of emotionally. It might help to think of him as a work colleague.
  • Try not to fight, but remember that talking to him isn't going to be rainbows and roses. You won't be able to agree about everything, so decide what's important to you, and accept that you can't always get your way. Your ex is not a slave 4 U.
  • Respect your ex's relationship with your kid. He or she is your child's other parent. You may disagree when he makes the kids put on shoes to visit a gas-station bathroom, but it is out of your control. Remember that your child still loves your ex, even if you don't.

Follow these guidelines for a smooth, non-toxic relationship with your ex, his new squeeze and your kids.