Do you want to explore new sex positions to improve your love life? If so, you're not alone. Many people think that new positions will rekindle the lost spark of intimacy and set their sex life on fire. If only it were as easy as switching positions!
The truth is that acrobatic sex positions won't improve your sex life if you don't also make an effort to increase the intimacy you're willing to share with your partner. If you're emotionally detached from one another, even swinging from the chandelier won't help. If you want to improve your sex life, deepen your intimacy.
Here's our guide to increasing the intimacy in your sex life, one sex position at a time.
But before we dive into exploring sex positions, we should take a moment to think about what intimacy means. Intimacy is all about closeness and feeling emotionally together with your lover. Sex is not always intimate, even if you are having sex with your long-term partner.
The truth is it is easier to have impersonal sex than it is to be truly intimate. If you are just going through the motions and focusing on your own sensation, you aren't getting closer to your lover or bonding in a deep way. But many of us crave the experience of truly intimate sex, where you feel like something bigger than just sensation is happening. When you have intimate sex, you feel connected and bonded. When sex gets really intimate, you feel that two becomes one sensation where you and your partner meld into a force field of love. You may even feel connected to the entire universe and experience spiritual transcendence. Here are some secrets for awakening those sensations:
Sex Position Secret #1: Eye Contact
The quickest way to experience more intimacy is to choose sex positions that allow you to maintain eye contact with your lover. Missionary position is the simplest choice for this, but eye contact can be made in many sex positions. The challenging part is to choose to look one another in the eyes as your arousal builds. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and maintaining eye contact during sex can feel incredibly vulnerable.
There's a reason the eyes have been called "windows to the soul." When you really look in your lover's eyes, you'll really feel the truth about your relationship. You may feel joy, gratitude and love. Or you may feel sadness or fear. Whatever is true between you will reveal itself.
No wonder so many of us close our eyes during sex; we are choosing to go inside ourselves rather than really get honest with our partner. But if you want to experience true emotional intimacy, lock eyes and don't look away, even during orgasm. You will be amazed at how new sex can feel with this simple act, even in the most basic sex position like missionary style! Some anthropologists even believe that eye contact during sex is responsible for human emotional evolution.
Sex Position Secret #2: Vulnerability
Eye contact is a profound way to increase intimacy, but there are other ways to get vulnerable and reveal new parts of yourself during sex. If you're willing to express new parts of who you are as a sexual being, you will find new facets of intimacy with your partner. Try a position that feels emotionally vulnerable to you and see how it opens up intimacy with your partner.
Certain sex positions evoke specific erotic energies, so explore how you feel when you change sex positions. The sex position called doggy style invites you to be a bit more bestial, moving your hips and undulating your spine as your lover moves inside you. Do you feel safe enough to get wilder and let your lover experience that side of you?
Many women feel like being on hands and knees makes them more physically vulnerable. Can you trust your lover to respect you and embrace you even when you let go and let your inner animal out? Notice how this sex position makes you feel and how you respond emotionally to being in a new physical position.
Sex Position Secret #3: Being Seen
Another way of getting vulnerable and increasing intimacy is allowing yourself to be seen during sex. The best sex position for this is when the woman goes on top or does the "cowgirl" as this sex position is often called. Getting on top and riding your lover has many pleasure benefits. You get to control the speed and depth of penetration, and you can touch your own clitoris (remember that direct clitoral stimulation is essential for female orgasm during intercourse!)
Yet many women avoid this position because they're scared of being seen. Body shame interrupts your ability to enjoy controlling your own pleasure, letting your breasts and belly move freely. Most guys absolutely love watching your body in all of its beauty and don't notice the extra jiggles that you are so worried about. So if you want to experience more intimacy, give your lover the gift of seeing your beautiful body, with all of its imperfections. Get on top and try the sex position that allows you to move freely and be fully witnessed in your pleasure.
Sex Position Secret #4: Novelty
If you're like most people, you probably have sex in the same one or two positions every time. This kind of routine creates comfort and safety. That isn't a bad thing, but it can get a bit boring.
Scientists are confirming again and again that the experience of newness and novelty is essential for long-term relationships. You can create novelty through travel and adventure, learning new skills together or taking risks. Or, you can explore novelty by trying new sex positions and sexual skills in bed.
Some new sex positions open up as soon as you get out of bed. Try having your partner sit on the couch and then straddle him. If you have a kitchen island, make good use of it and feel that cool granite under your bare skin. Get your guy on the ottoman and then stand over him, riding him with your feet firmly on the ground.
The possibilities are endless and simply by changing up your routine you will notice a surge in intimacy and the sense of novelty. An even better way to experience novelty is trying something totally new in bed. Craving more intense sex? Try erotic spanking! Is he curious about prostate massage? Indulge him and try it out! New sex positions and new sexual skills are your ticket to erotic adventure and increased intimacy.
Sex Position Secret #5: Spiritual Transcendence
Ready for the ultimate adventure in sexual intimacy? Seek spiritual transcendence! This kind of sex connects you not only to one another, but to the entire life force of creation. You get an out-of-body experience while feeling every exquisite sensation all at once. There's no quick formula for spiritually transcendent sex, but here are a few ideas and sex positions to start exploring the more spiritual side of sex.
First, slow everything way down. You need time to go deep enough to feel your erotic soul connection. Start with full body massage to relax and awaken your entire body. Then, build arousal for as long as possible before moving on to intercourse. Try a sex position that allows as much full body contact as possible while allowing you to move together as one.
One sex position to try is having him sit up with you on his lap. Wrap your legs around him. Then, as you start moving together, allow your bodies to rise and fall in unison. Become a single entity of erotic energy. Look into one another's eyes. Focus on breathing big and full, flooding your body with oxygen. Then, let go. Focus all of your attention on the connection between you and just surrender to whatever you're feeling. You may not achieve enlightenment the first time, but you will feel deeply connected and intimate, and hopefully you'll feel a glimmer of the core of erotic energy that's within you at all times just waiting to be released.
Sex positions alone will not improve your sex life. But if you are willing to get more vulnerable, if you are open to being seen and expressing more parts of your sexuality, if you can open yourself up to new adventures and possibly even surrender to spiritual transcendence, then your sex life will never be boring again. Your sex life is your own creation, and expression of who you are as an erotic being and what you're willing to share with your lover. The only limitation to the pleasure and intimacy you feel is your own willingness to receive.
We know it's not easy to create the sex life of your dreams, and that's why we are here to guide you every step of the way. The Pleasure Mechanics Community includes men and women from all around the world, united in their journey of creating a happy, hot, fulfilling sex life. Join us and discover how to have the amazing sex life you deserve!