Warning: This will make you rage and hate your zodiac sign.
Donald Trump. The Donald. The Don. The Dude With The Toupee. F*ckface von Clownstick. Agent Orange. Tiny Hands Trump. The Trumpster...
No matter what you call him, you know who he is. He's the presidential candidate selected by the GOP (though most nominated him reluctantly), and he has a long history of saying and doing pretty asinine things.
Whether it's that one time that he decided to sell steaks for Brookstone, or the multiple times he's declared bankruptcy in order to save his own butt, or the times he insulted women, disabled individuals, war veterens, or pretty much anyone under the sun who isn't a white male, he's the king of doing things that would make a typical person raise an eyebrow. Or, you know, any person with a brain.
With his affiliations with casinos, douchebags, and wives who might have married for a green card, it's safe to expect a guy like him to say some pretty offensive, pretty messed up stuff. As luck would have it, he totally didn't disappoint in that department.
It's a sad shame that he didn't guarantee more asinine quotes when he first began running for president. It's a promise he would have actually been able to keep, especially considering his long record for saying the worst possible thing at the worst possible moment.
That being said, we here at YourTango noticed that a lot of his quotes really sound like excellent examples of what the dark side of each zodiac sign might end up saying. Though it may make you cringe, laugh maniacally at the absurdity, or just plain recoil in horror, we decided to list out which Donald Trump quotes most matched each star sign.
We hope you enjoy a good laugh when you see our results. (Sorry, Republicans! Well... not really THAT sorry.)
"The New York Times doesn't write good."
Yes, Mr. Trump just called the most prestigious paper in the country a paper filled with mediocre writing. Only someone as strong-headed as an Aries would continue to stand behind a complete falsehood just because they're too stubborn to say they're wrong.
"But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights. They didn't talk. They were a terrorist, it was over. Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism." —Trump on Saddam Hussein
Taurus people tend to be very task-oriented, which can be good. However, there's a dark side to the Taurus sign. They often will believe that the ends justify the means, regardless of how many people are hurt. (Is Trump a Taurus?)
"All of the men, we're petrified to speak to women anymore. We may raise our voice. You know what? The women get it better than we do, folks. They get it better than we do. If she didn't play that card, she has nothing." —Trump on women
Gemini can be a great friend, but also can get very two-faced. Trump constantly says he believes that he will be great with the female half of the population, but it's pretty clear he's anti-woman if you look at what he says.
"[It's] a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business. And whether people want to say that or not, the fact is it is an inconvenience for a person that is running a business." —Trump, on maternity leave
Cancers are infamous for being manipulative, and it takes quite a bit of mental gymnastics to openly say that you're against maternity leave and all for families in the same breath. We don't think it's possible to find a more manipulative quote...
"As everybody knows, but the haters & losers refuse to acknowledge, I do not wear a 'wig.' My hair may not be perfect but it's mine." —Donald Trump via Twitter
Leos are the one sign that are totally known for being appearance-obsessed and prone to avoiding reality. Only they would be delusional enough to think that someone would fall for a lie this bold.
"No, I'm not into anal." —Donald Trump on The Howard Stern Show
Virgos really do not like to admit anything that would embarrass them or ruin their perfectly innocent appearance. This often leads to them denying an interest in sex. Of course a Virgo man would deny his love of taking it up the rear! They would probably want to show off their record of being as socially acceptable as possible.
"Some women are really aggressive and they want sex, no different from men and sometimes worse." —Trump on women
Libras hate aggression, confrontation, and people who just don't conform. Trump clearly hates the same things...at least in this quote.
"Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing." —Trump, on international relations
Scorpios are infamous for picking fights by using biting, venomous remarks. They also really hate to be the one who has secrets revealed about them. Lastly, they're known for picking the worst possible enemies. Needless to say, this remark reeks of Scorpio's bad side.
"We do, if it's illegals. In other words, if it's everybody, but people that are legally living here, I'm doing very well. In other words, people that are here, like Hispanics that are in the country, I'm doing very well. People that vote. Like people leaving voting booths and all, I'm doing very well with them." —Trump responding to a negative poll post
Sagittarius people have two major faults: They often will promise more than they can deliver, and they also are known for being exceptionally undiplomatic. This cringeworthy quote shows the outcome of what happens when a Sagittarius promises to come ahead in the polls.
"Well, someone is doing the raping, Don. I mean, somebody's doing it. Who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping?" —Trump, after being questioned for calling undocumented immigrants rapists
Capricorns often are recognized for hyper-conservative with a very condescending streak. Interestingly enough, this racist quote appeals to hardcore conservatives who like to sound condescending towards people who don't believe racist remarks.
"How stupid are the people of Iowa?" —Trump on claims made by Ben Carson at an Iowa rally.
Aquarius signs tend to be very temperamental, and they really can't stand when someone tries to argue with them. This makes something like a heated debate turn into an opportunity for outbursts... much like what would have to happen in order for a presidential candidate to call his potential voters stupid.
"I'll tell you one thing, this is a very good looking group of people here. Could I just go around so I know who the hell I'm talking to?" —Trump responding to a question about using nuclear weapons against ISIS
Pisceans are really sensitive, and tend to get really deep into their own little world. They can get so much into their own little world that their replies to certain questions don't even make sense. As a result, this quote really matches them.