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A marriage readiness checklist that makes sure your relationship is on track ... before you say "I do".
By Lisa Kaplin
Written on Dec 07, 2023
So you think you might be ready to take the plunge and get married?
Before you jump into the biggest decision of your life, consider this 'Are you ready?' checklist written by a 25-year marriage veteran.
Marriage is the adventure of a lifetime, but it could be an awful adventure or a glorious one. Doing some premarital soul-searching is one of the best ways to make sure you are making a good decision.
If you are hesitant, it might be a good time to seek some help with a coach or a counselor to help you navigate your way to a healthy, happy relationship.
Are you ready to say "I do"? Make sure your relationship passes this marriage readiness checklist before walking down the aisle:
1. Is your relationship past the infatuation stage?
As great as that stage is with seemingly unending want to take your clothes off with your partner, it doesn't last forever. That just isn't how life goes, unfortunately.
You need to love your partner out of bed as much as you love them in bed. Both are important for a happy marriage, so you want to make sure that both are in good working order.
2. Are you over 25?
Brain studies suggest that our brains aren't fully developed until we are 25 years old. So if you're under that threshhold, chances are your decision-making abilities aren't at their peak. That means in a few years, you could feel very differently than you do now.
3. Have you really addressed the red flags in your relationship or your partner?
It's normal to see red flags in any relationship, but taking time to work through them to figure out if it's a hard line or not is important. If you haven't addressed the issues in your relationship or your insecurities with your partner, that needs to happen before you get married.
Get your head out of the sand and address the issues that may could become bigger later. You're never going to find a partner that doesn't have a few red flags, so you have to decide if you can live with them or not — preferably long before saying "I do".
4. Are you willing to accept your partner for who they are or do are you hoping to change them?
Take it from a marriage veteran; getting married with the hopes of changing your partner is doomed to fail! Either accept them as-is or end the relationship.
5. Have you talked about having children and religion?
Will you have children? If so, how many? How much time will you spend with extended family? What role will they play in your lives? Religion? These are the issues that often lead to arguments between couples.
6. How will finances and household responsibilities be split up?
Will you share in both parenting duties as well as working outside of the home duties? What if one of your careers requires a move? Talking openly and honestly about them and not assuming you know the answer will be crucial to future marital harmony.
7. Can you envision yourself walking hand in hand with this person when you are over 60?
This question is one that a wise divorce attorney I know asks all of her potential clients.
Marriage, when done right, is a marathon and you need to pace yourself. To stay together for the long haul you really need to enjoy each other's company.
8. Have you had a brutally honest conversation about intimacy and fidelity?
Can you see being happy for the rest of your life being intimate with just this one person? If not, can you have a conversation about what needs to happen - either in the relationship or within yourself - for that to be true?
9. What do you value most in life?
Will your potential partner support (or even be part of) your dreams and goals? Giving up any major aspect of yourself in order to make someone happy is a really awful idea and will ultimately sever your relationship.
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Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm in order to find joy in their personal life and success and meaning in their professional lives.