2 Smart Ways To Kick Past Trauma Out Of Your Relationship (For Good)


Your past doesn't have to determine your future.

Many people assume that two people getting into a relationship with equally harsh upbringings and past trauma is a recipe for disaster. This may be true for some couples, but this isn't the case for everyone.

While it seems like a black cloud is hovering over their heads, this couple CAN actually rise above their past trauma together, creating a recipe for love and security with their strong and empathetic bond.

SVP of YourTango Experts Melanie Gorman, premarital, marital and infidelity recovery counselor Jim Walkup, psychologist Dr. Stan Tatkin, couple therapist and author Dr. Colene Sawyer Schlaepfer and individual and relational recovery therapist Argie Spuck say that couples with past trauma can have a happy and healthy relationship like anyone else. 

Here are two key things they say will create that caring space of security and happiness

1. Be Curious 

Ask your partner about his/her past trauma. Perhaps your partner hasn't spoken to anyone about it and feels like he/she needs to get out. Be willing to hear what your partner endured and make it known that it's safe to tell you what happened.

Sharing your stories will help you create a secure bond with no room for pain.

2. Get Out Of Victim-Mode

While you're never going to forget your past trauma, you must accept that it's in your past. Trust your partner and get comfortable expressing your affection, emotions and gratitude for him/her.

"If you have a clear understanding of where you came from, how it's impacting you — to learn from it, not to place blame — and to just really come to accept where you are and where your partner is ... then it's easier to feel gratitude for everything ... It's all part of what molds us, and it all influences who we've become," explains Argie Spuck.

Are you still trying to make your relationship solid despite your past trauma? Watch the video above for some more great expert advice!


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