You Can Usually Tell How Smart Someone Is By How Loyal Their Friends Are, Says Psychology
A. C. | Unsplash We all know a loner. They tend to enjoy spending as much time on their own as they can. Of course, they do have friends. It's not that they dislike people. They just tend to be a bit more discerning when it comes to the friends they choose and have less of a need for peer acceptance than most.
Often, people with a loner personality type are very smart, have good friends, and expect a higher standard for their friendships. But still, many loners make the conscious decision to get plenty of time on their own. Why? According to Jonathan Cheek, a psychologist at Wellesley College, it's because they don't need acceptance.
"Some people simply have a low need for affiliation," said Cheek. "There's a big subdivision between the loner-by-preference and the enforced loner. Those who choose the living room over the ballroom may have inherited their temperament. Or a penchant for solitude could reflect a mix of innate tendencies and experiences such as not having many friends as a child or growing up in a family that values privacy."
You can usually tell how smart someone is by how loyal their friends are, says psychology
gonzagon via Shutterstock
Loners are better at friendship, and they tend to have more loyal friends
Shyness is being more reserved or nervous in the company of other people. Choosing solitude is different from being shy. "Craving solitude doesn’t come from a place of fear or insecurity. It comes from a more selfish place. It is the feeling of ownership over your thoughts and stories," added author and self-proclaimed loner Kaitlin Kaiser.
Psychologists say loners are better at friendship and are more intelligent and loyal because they know what they want and won't compromise it for unsatisfying relationships. Relationship coach Kira Asatryan explained, "Getting to know someone in a way that fosters closeness means coming to understand the person from their perspective. This is substantially different from how we usually 'know' people.
We tend to believe we know someone when we’ve interacted with them a lot and developed our theory of 'how they are.' But to create closeness, you must, above all else, understand how the individual sees themselves."
Of course, it's possible to be too much of a loner
Some loners close their borders, so to speak, because of anxiety. Some are pathologically shy. Some have had bad experiences as kids that have affected their personalities. These types of loners tend to get butterflies around people. Social isolation can even be a health risk.
"Loneliness is like hunger and thirst; it's a signal to help your genes survive," said John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago. "When you're lonely, there's a stress response in your body, and it's not healthy to sustain that for a long time."
It takes all kinds, and loners tend to be smarter
If you have an outgoing friend who abruptly becomes a loner, that may be cause for concern. A study found that "time alone has both pros and cons, and there is no single 'perfect' balance between being alone and socializing. While daily loneliness increased when people spent too much time alone, choosing to be alone actually lowered stress and increased feelings of freedom."
The loner's brain is wired for higher activity and processing, even while resting. Research has shown they have increased blood flow to the brain's frontal cortex, which handles planning, and Broca’s area, where the internal chatter occurs. This inwardly focused processing is biological, leading to loners being great at high-level analysis, but can often cause anxiety and indecision.
Either way, it's best not to judge a book by its cover because most loners are often smarter than ordinary people, and their friends are ride-or-die for them.
Higher Perspective seeks to unite like-minded individuals focused on personal growth and expanding their consciousness. We can be better to our planet, better to our brothers and sisters, and better to ourselves.
