You Can Be Happy, But You Have To Ask These 4 Questions First

Don't get stuck in the "if only" perspective.

Responsible for own happiness Virginia Marinova | Unsplash

Whether in a coaching session or sitting in a restaurant, I frequently hear people say, "If only I could get that contract," or "If I could just get her to go out with me," or "If I had a house like that (or a car or a job or a salary or an investment portfolio or a child, or…) I would be so happy." These statements do more to hold us back than anything other people can say or do to us.

"If only" statements reflect our quest for finding fulfillment outside ourselves. These statements rob us of the opportunity to experience the happiness of the moment.


You can discover happiness by asking four questions to reflect and help clarify your desires to give you the leverage to take action.

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You can be happy, but you have to ask these 4 questions first:

1. "What would feel more fulfilling and satisfying than what I’m facing right now?"

Change your perspective from a past-based "if only" detrimental imagination to a perspective where you can see the next step for your immediate future.

2. "For me, what would genuine happiness look and feel like?"

You must know what happiness looks like for you to achieve genuine happiness.


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3. "What am I afraid will happen if I take action?"

Asking this question helps you establish the fear base you work from so you can logically face the fears.

4. "Can I survive what I fear?"

Of course, you can survive your fears. You have survived everything life has challenged you with up to this point. The current challenge you are facing is no different. You got this!


Sit with these questions without expecting instant answers, operating from a detrimental "if only" perspective of hindsight has become a habit. Your mind needs time to untangle all the "if onlys" of the past to uncover the fears that have been in control. Identifying the fears behind all your "if onlys" will help shift your perspective toward happiness.

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Let these four questions wash over you as you take a few minutes every day and sit quietly, calming yourself and connecting more and more with the core of who you are. With committed practice, the clanging, clacking, and chattering in your mind will lessen.


When you find yourself in the "if only" scenario again and are left with the question, "Is this all there is?" remember "If only" statements reinforce your belief that happiness, meaning, and safety reside externally in a relationship, situation, or opportunity.

It turns out that happiness does not really on "if only's". That belief is built on LIES™ – Labels, Illusions, Excuses, and Stories. When we act based on the lies we tell ourselves, it results in misdirected focus and self-inflicted disempowerment.

Smiling woman on the beach has learned to be happy Ground Picture via Shutterstock


When you find yourself stuck in a situation and triggered by someone else's actions, or you are living in a situation you wouldn't have chosen, you can take back your power to choose by remembering the only person keeping you there is you!

You'll find a quiet space within, from which the answers to your questions — your truth — will emerge.

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Teressa Moore Griffin believes self-awareness is the foundation for happiness and sustained success. Her company Spirit of Purpose™, LLC was started to help people live better now. Her book, LIES That Limit: Uncover the Truth Of Who You Really Are gives the perfect way to understand and tackle the life-long influences that are subconsciously holding you back.