Women Who Mother Themselves In 3 Brilliant Ways Can Heal Their Own Emotional Wounds
No matter where you begin, give yourself everything you've been missing.
Andreshkova Nastya | Shutterstock There are many people who believe that to love other people, you need to first love yourself. But this isn’t true! Learning to love yourself is a lifelong process parallel to your journey to love others, and that’s OK.
Generalities about self-love make it seem like loving yourself is a switch you can just choose to turn on and off without effort. If you struggle with low self-esteem or have difficulty looking yourself in the eye when you pass your reflection, you know self-love isn’t a switch you can just throw. It’s not a choice.
Sometimes, learning to turn off the negative voice when you think about yourself is exhausting. But that’s OK, too. No matter where you are on your journey to self-love, wherever you’re at right now is a great place to start.
People who mother themselves in three key ways can heal their own emotional wounds
1. Practice turning off negative self-talk
If you can’t go 10 seconds examining yourself in the mirror without spouting mean-spirited or rude comments about yourself, there are a few things you need to know.
- You’re not alone in this struggle.
- Those thoughts are likely not true or are grossly exaggerated to hurt you.
- Whatever you’re saying does not and should not stop you from being loved.
If you’re at this point, you likely feel very low. This can be when you look in the mirror, when someone compliments you, when you're in a social situation, or when you’re just having intrusive thoughts about yourself.
The first step sounds simple, but it requires practice and time.
When something negative pops into your head, stop yourself and say one word: “No.” It doesn’t matter what you’re saying to yourself. The point is to disrupt your negative self-talk.
If your thoughts keep coming, keep shutting them down by saying, “No,” either out loud or in your head. Do this as many times as you need because research on intrapersonal communication found a direct relationship between negative self-talk, anxiety, and negative emotions.
2. Shift your attention
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The point of saying “no” is simply to stop your thoughts, so you can’t keep going down a proverbial rabbit hole of negative self-talk and doubt to make you feel even worse about yourself.
The next step you need to take is to change your attention to something positive. It doesn’t need to be something necessarily about you, specifically, but something to change the negative tone of your thoughts and derail the self-hate train you’re riding on.
You can do this by noticing something around you, being grateful, or paying someone else a compliment. It doesn't have to be big. Just enough to change your mindset.
If you’re inside at home when this mood strikes, try noticing all of the things you have. Be grateful you were able to collect so many things you love.
You can also have a positive interaction with a beloved pet, family member, or friend. Outside? Notice the beauty of nature. Smell the flowers. Look at the clouds and be glad you can experience them.
Are you wearing your favorite pair of earrings or a favorite shade of lipstick? Take the time to notice these things. Shifting your attention from something you don’t like to something you do will help stop your thoughts from spiraling into more self-hate.
You don't owe yourself an explanation right now. The point is merely to stop the negativity poisoning your thoughts.
3. Practice saying nice things to yourself
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For many people struggling with self-doubt, it's impossible to look at your reflection in the eye every morning as you’re getting ready for your day and say, “I love you.” It feels like a lie because, at the moment, it is. If you don’t love yourself, saying this lie can actually be physically discomforting.
And that’s OK! Think of your relationship with yourself like a relationship you have with a romantic interest or a friend. You can’t just say, “I love you” sincerely to someone you don’t know. And right now, you don’t know yourself.
You've spent so much time negging yourself, you have no idea what your amazing qualities even are. So, you literally don't know how to appreciate who you are yet.
That means you'll get to start this new relationship with yourself slowly and cautiously because you’ve wounded yourself so much in the past already. This needs to be a new commitment from you to you.
So, start where you are. Small, simple gestures you know for a fact you can own up to, every day.
Begin by paying yourself a simple daily compliment, if you can. And if a compliment is too hard, then start by simply not allowing yourself to have a negative interaction when you look in the mirror. Shut down negative self-talk by saying two words, “You’re OK.”
That's it. Look yourself in the eyes and say, "You're OK" whenever you feel the need to criticize or talk down to yourself. If you can only stand to do it briefly at first, then do it once and walk away. The important thing is to keep yourself from having a bad interaction with you.
By practicing this and keeping your negative self-talk down to a minimum, eventually, you will get to the point where you can begin to expand. “You’re OK,” can become “You’re nice,” which can eventually become “I like you.”
“I like you” can eventually lead to “I love you,” or even beyond, maybe even to “You’re awesome!”
Just remember, your self-love journey is just that — a journey. It will take time and effort, and there will be some days harder than others. But never give up on yourself, because the relationship you create with yourself is the most important one you can ever have.
Every minute you spend on it, even if you never quite reach, “You’re awesome!” is still time well spent. You deserve this.
Merethe Najjar is a professional writer, editor, and award-winning fiction author. Her articles have been featured in The Aviator Magazine, Infinite Press, Yahoo, BRIDES, and more.
