Woman's Boyfriend Always Says He Bought Their House When Both Of Their Names Are On The Deed
That sounds largely unfair.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock After a couple in their early 20s purchased a house together, the woman became apprehensive about her boyfriend’s tendency to claim full ownership over the home despite both their names being on the deed.
The woman took to Reddit to express her discomfort with his claim to their home.
In the r/TwoHotTakes subreddit, the woman explained that she and her boyfriend have been together for ten years since they were barely teenagers, and they’ve come a long way.
They recently accomplished their goal of buying a house together, which was a collaborative effort. Despite this, her boyfriend has taken it upon himself to take full credit for the achievement, and considering the details, he is not exactly being fair.
The woman shared how they wanted to establish their careers and purchase a home together before the ultimate goal of getting married. However, deciding to buy a home as an unmarried couple can be risky.
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The woman revealed that while her boyfriend did pay for the down payment of their home himself, she said they wouldn’t have been able to gain approval from the bank without her since she makes a higher income on paper and he’s a day trader, which is not considered income to the bank.
“I think we both sacrificed many years, struggling to make it here,” she wrote in the post. “During those years, we never went on any dates or vacations.”
Additionally, the woman explained that both of their names are on the mortgage, and they both contribute to paying it every month. She said she has been working full-time since she was 18 to help support them both financially, so it’s understandable why her boyfriend’s lack of recognition of their joint effort is weighing heavy on her.
She asked Reddit users if she was overthinking the matter.
Reddit users defended her position, agreeing that her boyfriend’s invalidation of her efforts is unfair.
They emphasized that she needs to address the matter with him and help him understand how his words will affect their relationship.
Some individuals related to their own similar experiences, highlighting how a mature conversation may be all the woman needs to express her concerns and open her boyfriend’s eyes.
“[My partner] did this in the beginning. A sincere and open conversation had him recognizing my feelings about it. And also, I understood it was some dumb manly desire to feel like he provided for me,” one person commented in the thread. “He stopped, of course, as soon as we talked about it. It was just an idea in his head of what it means to be a man, [and] we had to scrutinize [it] for a minute to see how silly it was.”
On the other hand, some argued that her boyfriend’s flawed perspective may be a sign of incompatibility.
“He’s being factually incorrect and, more importantly, diminishing your contribution. You should air this out with him. Especially before you marry or have children,” someone expressed in the comments.
“He’s diminishing whatever your part in the home purchase is, and if you move out, he will find out he can no longer refinance a mortgage with you gone. Someone who is diminishing your part in a large accomplishment doesn’t seem like a supportive guy,” another person pointed out.
Couples must consider the risks of making significant commitments in their relationship and communicate their needs regularly to build a strong foundation for connection and support.
The woman edited her post to update that she plans to discuss the situation with him. She believes he may just be cluelessly protecting his masculine urge to provide for his family.
She added how she may have blown the situation out of proportion, having gone through so much to get to where they are now, in tandem with not having too many supportive friends or family to go to about her concerns, and her stress and uncertainty is understandable.
It isn’t easy purchasing a house, let alone doing so as a 20-something-year-old. The hurdles one has to overcome can leave a significant dent in their well-being, leading to conflict between partners. This is why it's vital that couples do their research and communicate effectively.
“I don’t have any reliable and experienced adults in my life I can turn to, and neither does he, as we both grew up with broken families,” she explained. “It’s just us navigating life the best we can.”
Many were alarmed by the couple’s decision to buy a home together before marriage, as this unorthodox path prevents the couple from receiving tax benefits. On a more serious note, this decision can also lead to financial loss if the relationship doesn’t work out.
While the woman was confident her boyfriend’s intentions were not calculated, it’s still important to always understand the risk of purchasing a home with a partner before marriage, especially because her boyfriend was already attempting to take full credit for their shared effort.
Hopefully, his flawed phrasing was a mindless mistake, and the couple can continue to work through the challenges of early adulthood together.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.