Woman Asks If It’s Wrong To Gift Her Best Friend’s Kids Different Amounts Of ‘Life-Changing’ Money
She doesn't want her best friend to think that she's playing favorites.
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock Who hasn't dreamed of winning the lottery or, better yet, coming into a substantial inheritance from a rich relative you never knew about? For one lucky woman, that dream actually became a reality when she, as she described on Reddit, "received a life-changing amount of money." In planning for the future, which is the luxury of having said life-changing money, the woman asked if it would be wrong to gift her best friend's children different sums as part of an inheritance.
The first thought that comes to mind is that any gift of money is a gift well received, but her concerns center around how her bestie, the children's mom, might interpret the difference, especially since her reasoning for gifting the older daughter more money is simply because she feels closer to her. There's also the question of how the siblings will feel when one has more than the other.
A woman worried if it was wrong to gift her best friend's kids different amounts of 'life-changing' money.
fizkes | Shutterstock
In her Reddit post, the 37-year-old explained that she hasn't told her best friend yet about her windfall, but part of that conversation will be about her wanting to gift her friend's kids, a 12-year-old daughter and a 2-month-old son, some of that money.
The problem is she wants to give the 12-year-old girl $2.5 million and the 2-month-old little boy $1.5 million. She insisted that the reason behind her decision is that she helped raise the little girl from birth and still spends time with her now.
The woman wants to give her friend's older daughter more money because she feels closer to her.
"She genuinely feels like she is my child, she calls me mom, and there is no difference between her and my own children, it’s the exact same amount of love," she admitted. Her friend's son still has his dad in his life and is constantly being given new toys and clothes. "I grew up as the black sheep of the family and did not get the same opportunities my siblings did and [it] has had a lifelong ramification."
Of course, her main concern is how her best friend will react to the different amounts. But as many financially savvy Redditors pointed out, she could use their ages to her advantage in gifting them different sums. One explained, "2 yo will get more money, cause of the interest over additional 10 years in a trust fund. 12 yo will use money earlier, so it will accumulate less interest. This is math, not emotion."
The woman doesn't want her friend to think she's playing favorites.
"I don’t want her to see the discrepancy in the amount and think I don’t love [her son] as much or I see him as lesser than his sister, and I don’t. But I am more invested in [her daughter] and my motherly instinct is to provide and protect her," she continued.
While it is a gift, she definitely should have a conversation with her friend about how she feels about her children having access to that kind of money. They wouldn't be able to access it until they were of age anyway, but there should still be an honest conversation between the two women about the necessary steps to take with it. There is a possibility that if she does give the 12-year-old more than her brother, the two could end up having a fractured relationship because of it.
That's why it's so important for these two women to discuss the issue before any trusts are set up. Sure, this lucky woman could explain away the difference in amount because of their ages, but perhaps honesty is the best policy, especially since this isn't just a random friend — it's her best friend.
Relate counselor Simone Bose explained to Refinery29, "Talking about money is part of showing vulnerability to your friends. You have to challenge yourself to be vulnerable if you want a deeper friendship. If you’ve got a friendship where you’re never vulnerable with the other person, then you should think about what’s going on there and what type of friendship that is. Money is an emotional issue; you should be able to talk to friends about it and for them to hear you out. Taking that risk might actually strengthen the friendship."
It's hard to imagine that the mom of these kids would be anything but grateful for the literal life-changing gift she is giving these children, especially since she has kids of her own.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
