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Cruel to be kind is a real thing.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 03, 2023
Society as a whole is hellbent on teaching people to be "nice."
We don't want to be the person who has to hurt others' feelings, so we try to avoid difficult topics. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news, but the fact is that in this life, you often have to be cruel to be kind.
Protecting other people's feelings often doesn't do anything but make situations worse, and there are a slew of reasons as to why this is.
Here are 8 reasons to stop sparing people's feelings.
1. If people don't understand what they're doing wrong, nothing will change.
On many occasions, peoples' feelings are hurt because they are politely called out on bad behavior or rejected. If we don't run the risk of hurting others' feelings, we give them the idea that their behavior is okay and end up inadvertently giving them reason to carry on.
If you want them to change their behavior towards you, you might need to get mean or just be blunt about it.
2. Some people don't learn unless it's a lesson taught the hard way.
When manners don't work, the only way that some people learn is when they're slammed by others.
Certain people will exploit the polite nature of others around them to do things they know aren't acceptable, just because they can. It's only when they have to face consequences and serious hurt when these people will stop.
3. People need to know where they stand, and that won't happen if everything is sugar-coated.
The problem with sparing peoples' feelings is that they often don't really know where they stand. They may think they're more important to you than they really are, or they may think they really aren't as loved as they are.
Being blunt can help remove the guesswork of where they stand and give them a chance to figure out how to deal.
4. Being real with people is gutsy and forces them to respect you.
People often don't respect people who are too nice. They are often viewed as doormats or as cowardly.
If you're feeling like people don't give you the full respect you deserve, you may need to get a bit mean with them. Chances are that you might see a marked change in how they see you.
5. The truth can hurt, but that doesn't make it right to lie.
Lying to protect others' feelings is a pretty foul way to live life, and it will cause fallout in the long run.
There's no better example for this than finding out about a cheating partner. If you were being cheated on, you'd want to know, right?
More often than not, people feel betrayed by friends who don't alert them to their partner's philandering ways. Even if it's painful to do so, it's better to avoid sparing one's feelings on major matters like this.
6. Not protecting others' feelings still isn't the same as being a jerk.
In other words, there's a difference between being blunt and going out of your way to hurt someone. Society as a whole seems to have forgotten this.
7. Life isn't fair, and feelings will still get hurt no matter how hard we try.
There is no such thing as a life without pain. Some people will deal with more than others.
We need to stop acting as if a painless, drama-free life is possible and start accepting the fact that life isn't perfect or easy.
8. We all need thicker skin, anyway.
People have become way too sensitive these days, and this is a direct result of people trying to spare others' feelings and turn life into a Disney movie. Even the smallest comments can be the spark that ignites major drama.
If people stopped sugar-coating things, life would be a lot simpler and people would be a lot tougher.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.