If You Want The People In Your Life To Truly Respect You, Say Goodbye To These 9 Behaviors
Jupiterimages | Canva We all want to be loved and respected by the people around us. But getting there? That can be a challenge, especially if you want that love and admiration to be based in something genuine, not just a version of yourself that you think others will love.
While someone may tell you they can teach you how to be respected by the people you value, this isn't just a mask you can adorn in order to find admiration. Getting rid of these nine traits will take work, yes, but the rewards will be so much more profound in the end. And they may even last a lifetime.
If you want people in your life to truly respect you, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors
1. Gossiping and demeaning others
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While some people believe there's a reason that gossip is in our species's biological and anthropological wiring, most people find gossip to be highly offensive or irresponsible. While some gossip may actually just be communication, the type that is hurtful to others is considered by most to be disrespectful and selfish.
Therefore, if you want to be respected more, you need to learn to have some self-control. Sure, you can communicate a threat or warn a friend about someone's cruel behavior, but those are rare situations. Most of the time, gossip is just for thrills or to make people think you're interesting or special.
Understand that, like anything in life, some of the most thrilling habits are the most destructive to your reputation. Especially if you're hoping to get people in your life to truly respect you.
2. Making promises you can't keep
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Have you ever told someone they could depend on you, only to go back on your word in the last minute? Maybe you were anxious, overcommitted or simply uninspired, so you simply cancelled or didn't show up.
Doing this on a regular basis can feed a cycle of anxiety or shame that will keep you from growing and lose people's trust. In fact, research has found that when we break promises, our brain registers it as emotional conflict as a result of suppressing honesty.
So, if you want to be respected, do yourself a favor and avoid this trap completely. First, don't make promises you can't keep. Simply don't do it. If someone is asking you to do something you're not 100% sure you can follow through on, simply say, "I will do my best to do this, but I can't make any promises." Choosing to be up-front will save you (and the other person) tons of heartache and get you closer to earning their respect.
3. Saying yes when you really mean no
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Similar to what we discussed above, saying yes when we really mean no often happens when we lack healthy boundaries. You don't want to disappoint someone, so you say something you don't truly mean, only to experience a sense of self-betrayal later.
In addition, saying yes when you mean no doesn't actually keep the peace, especially within yourself. In fact, it can damage your ability to create and maintain healthy boundaries and if you hope to have people in your life respect you, you need to have healthy boundaries.
Finally, saying yes all the time will lead to burnout and resentment. So say goodbye to that habit. As an added bonus, you'll likely get healthier because research shows that lacking good boundaries can lead to chronic stress down the road. So let it go for good.
4. Making excuses instead of being direct
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We all have that one friend who makes excuses for why they can’t go out. We've all been there and can empathize. But for some, it becomes almost compulsive.
To earn respect, you need to say goodbye to this habit. If you don't feel like going out or committing to something, just say it. You don’t even need to make excuses for why, you’re an adult, not a kid pretending to be sick to get out of school. Just be direct.
In addition, being clear is kind, and that goes a long way when it comes to getting people in your life to truly respect you. Learning how to be kind while being direct is a fine art, but it's one that's well worth learning.
5. Saying sorry when it's not necessary
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There are many people today who have a bad habit of over-apologizing. While we associate this behavior with women, especially in workplace settings, anyone can fall into this trap. Sure, it can keep the peace from time-to-time, but overall it creates a sense of inauthenticity or even weakness.
If you want to be respected, you need to stop reacting this way.
So, keep yourself in check when it comes to apologizing. Don't say sorry for every little mishap, only when the situation calls for it. Not only will you seem stronger and more genuine, it will make your authentic apologies all the more potent.
6. Putting everyone else first before yourself
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Yes, you will gain respect from people in your life by putting others before yourself sometimes, and that's a good thing! However, there's a point at which self-sacrifice becomes so draining you start to feel like a doormat. Eventually you'll become resentful and lose respect for yourself.
Being perceived as a person worthy of respect starts from within. This means you can't expect others to respect you if you don't respect yourself. So start now and say goodbye gratuitous self-sacrifice in favor of generosity to others and yourself.
7. Seeking the approval of others
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People who are respected march to the beat of their own drum. They are independent and don't care about what others have to say about their own life choices.
Of course, there will be many times when you will care if others approve of what you do, but those should center around those people who know you, who love you authentically and who only want you to stay true to your own values.
Understandably, shifting your need for approval to something more health is easier said than done. But it's a habit like any other, one you'll need to work at. But the benefits are wide-reaching, including becoming someone that the people in your life can truly respect.
8. Dimming other people's light
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If you want to be respected, it can be tempting to wish other compelling people would go away. Envy can be a powerful beast. It can inspire you to grow and change for the better, but it is also one that can lead you away from the person you wish to be. You have to say goodbye to that behavior, and soon.
After all, nobody will respect someone that dims someone else's light. Authentically admirable people build others up and know that there are times to bask in someone else's glow. When the people in your life see you enjoying and appreciating other people's wonderful traits, they are much more likely to truly respect you.
9. Excessive materialism
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Everyone loves to dream about someday having a gorgeous handbag or a cool, fast car. Don't worry, that doesn't make you shallow or a bad person. But in order to gain the respect of people in your life, you need to say goodbye to the idea that materialistic items are going to make people like you or admire you.
Of course, there will be people who see these material items and act like they respect you because of them. But that respect will never actually be about who you are, only what you have. Respect that hinges upon how rich you are or the fancy the label on your clothing label can be taken away in just a snap.
True respect runs deep. It connects people together and helps grow authentic relationships — and that should be the real goal. As Berkeley's Greater Good Magazine reports, "Happiness is about respect, not riches" and I couldn't have said it better myself!
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
