8 Traits Of People Who Aren't Fun To Be Around, According To Psychology
Psychology says these behaviors can turn even well-meaning people into Debbie Ds.

Have you ever come across, well, an unfun person that everyone knowingly or unknowingly tries to avoid? Maybe it's not even something specific that people don't like, but you've even started to notice it.
If you share any of these traits, rest assured, you can practice to change these miserable-seeming behaviors. Identifying and understanding the behavior is half of the work. Embrace the process of learning and unlearning, so you bring good vibes to the party, not pessimistic ones.
Here are 8 traits of people who aren't fun to be around, according to psychology:
1. They don't think much of themselves
voronaman / Shutterstock
When we entertain the idea that we need to ‘work’ towards getting better, guess what? We inadvertently emphasize the idea that there is something wrong with us. This is the very thing that keeps our attention on the problem and reinforces our suffering.
Low self-esteem is associated with higher levels of negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and anger, which can affect the mood of those around them. However, research stresses that it is important to remember that these are tendencies and not all individuals with low self-esteem will exhibit all of these behaviors.
2. They stress about everything
Yuri A / Shutterstock
People ask me how to worry less all the time. But they continue to worry — even if they know it adds to their stress. But here’s the thing: the only reason we worry is because some part of us believes that worry serves a positive purpose. It does not.
It makes us feel terrible and decreases our performance. Let go of the idea that worry helps, and you’ll experience more peace and more effortless wisdom.
A 2018 study explained that chronic worriers tend to have a negative orientation towards problems, potentially perceiving even neutral social situations as threatening. This might lead them to be more focused on potential negative outcomes in conversations or social interactions, potentially missing out on positive aspects or contributing to an overall sense of negativity.
3. They come on a little too strong
PaeGAG / Shutterstock
A lot of us make our lives 10x harder because we’re either trying to do several things at once, or we’re thinking about several things at the same time. Both create overwhelm and are unnecessary.
All we have is one thing at a time. That is all we can do. Seeing this and accepting it brings relief, enjoyment in our work, and improved performance.
4. They dodge anything emotional
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
It’s easy to think that if we feel scared, this is a sign to avoid the thing that caused this feeling. Makes sense — the only issue is that we end up living a comfortable life devoid of risk.
This becomes more dangerous in the long run because we don’t confront fear and continually give strength to the illusion that we are at the mercy of a brutal reality. This weakens you, mentally and physically, and makes you anxious.
Confront your fears and practice the things that make you nervous. This will reduce your feelings of fear and give you an unfair advantage.
Avoidance behavior can impact social interactions and relationships, and lead to negative perceptions by others. Avoiding emotions can ironically lead to them intensifying over time, according to the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences.
5. They people-please
Farknot Architect / Shutterstock
If we have self-esteem that needs protecting, we are going to tighten up in the face of potentially losing it, and try to make everyone around us happy,
For example, I was anxious around groups of people because I believed that if they criticized me, my self-esteem would diminish. Now I know that self-esteem is made up in the mind, and no one can hurt me, so there's no use in people-pleasing.
While empathy and compassion are valuable qualities, excessive or unmanaged caring can have detrimental effects on an individual's health and relationships. One study concluded that setting healthy boundaries is necessary to prevent the negative consequences of excessive caring and to maintain mental and emotional well-being.
6. They zone out constantly
Hananeko_Studio / Shutterstock
Our gift of visualization has brought with it many opportunities, like planning a path forward, and remembering past mistakes so we can avoid them.
It’s a double-edged sword, however, because spending any time in the future or the past destroys our potential in the present. There are no problems right here, right now. The present is pure consciousness, and we can return here whenever we need refuge.
Focusing on the future is not always negative. Planning for the future can be adaptive and essential for goal achievement and personal growth. However, one study explained that when this focus becomes an escape mechanism from the present and negatively impacts social engagement, it can be problematic.
7. They say yes to too much and end up wiped
G-Stock Studio / Shutterstock
I always encourage my clients to do an ‘energy audit’ when we start working together. This means listing out all the things that drain their energy and those that boost it.
Many of us fill our days with energy drains that contribute to an imbalanced body. When we’re out of balance, we’re more likely to have anxiety and stress. Bring awareness to where your energy leaks, and address the low-hanging fruit first.
8. They overthink everything and freeze up
Halfpoint / Shutterstock
Many things contribute to anxiety and stress, but nothing can help at the fundamental level if we don’t understand how it works. Most people don’t.
Most of us think our stress is caused by external events, people, and environments. It is not. It is caused internally at the level of thoughts. We feel our thoughts. We perceive someone as being ‘unfun,’ think it, and feel the annoying thought in the body as stress.
One study found that individuals with high social anxiety were slower to identify positive and rewarding social interactions and faster to adjust to punishing interactions. This could potentially lead to a perception of being less engaged or less fun in social settings.
Understanding this changes our entire experience because we see the futility in hanging on to unhelpful thoughts. This is how to be free.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.