You Can Usually Tell How Socially Intelligent A Person Is By 7 Things They Do When Tested
ninari | Pexels Intrapersonal intelligence, also known as social intelligence, is one of the most difficult types of intelligence to develop. Why? One word: Ego.
Social intelligence, when it comes down to it, is nothing but self-awareness. It's about knowing who you are and how you fit into this world. However, developing self-awareness is opposed by your ego, because your ego doesn't really care about self-awareness; instead, it cares about maintaining an image (even if it's fake) in front of yourself and the world. Luckily, there are a few ways to tell if you have social intelligence, and it's often about how you respond when life decides to test you.
Here are things socially intelligent people do when they're tested:
1. They don't listen to unsolicited advice
Every once in a while, you may read an article stating the importance of rejecting unsolicited advice. It's a smart call. There's a lot of silly advice in this world, and you have to know which ones to reject.
However, no one ever talks about stopping the production of unsolicited advice in the first place. If there's silly advice in the world, who's producing it? It's us, of course. And it's simple to do so. When people know nothing about a subject, they usually don't advise about it. Sometimes they do, and that is just as silly as one can get.
But things get worse when someone starts to know a little bit about a subject. When they know something, they feel like they know everything. And then they start handing out advice like they're an expert.
Of course, when you know a lot about a subject, you can give advice. But to stop giving unsolicited advice, you have to know that you're not an expert on every topic in the world. If you know that, it's a sign that you have high social intelligence.
2. They don't inflate their ego
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Some people inflate their egos over greatness that isn't even theirs. For example, an American may say, "America is the greatest country in the world" to a Canadian trying to belittle him. Or, a person who never follows the principles their God preaches may say, "Our God is better than yours!"
If someone is an American and they think America is great, it's okay to be happy about it and feel grateful for it. But how does it make sense to inflate their ego over it? If someone's God is great, that doesn't give them the right to claim that they are great just because they pretend to follow those ideals.
Inflating your ego over greatness that isn't even yours is a sign of high insecurity. However, people with high social intelligence refrain from doing this.
3. Socially intelligent people don't inflate their egos
People who have high social intelligence know the ingredients of their greatness. Yes, it's a lot of their hard work, but it's also many other things: luck, opportunities created by others, support and sacrifice of people around them, and the curiosity of so many people in the history of humanity who have built a universe of knowledge accessible for people to use to achieve greatness.
For instance, if you achieve greatness as a writer, it's because you have been able to hone that skill. You used opportunities created by others, the support of family and friends, and the foundation of knowledge throughout history to reach your goals.
While it's okay to be confident in your greatness, people with high social intelligence don't let their egos inflate beyond control, no matter how great they get.
4. They deliberately look for their own flaws
Your ego hides your flaws from yourself. And it makes it so easy to look for flaws in others because looking for flaws in others is a simple way to feel good about yourself. But this also keeps people from gaining higher self-awareness.
People with high social intelligence flip this. Their ego hides flaws, so they deliberately seek them out because only when you actively seek your flaws out will you be able to see them.
5. They embrace their imperfections
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If you asked anyone, "Are you perfect?" they'd say, "No, I'm not. I have some flaws too." But the minute someone gives them proof of their imperfections, they deny it.
They get defensive and act like they're perfect. But not people with high social intelligence. Everyone is born with this asynchrony between knowing that they're not perfect yet acting like it. But you have labored to break it. You know you're imperfect, and when you're shown a mirror, you're not afraid to look.
6. Socially intelligent people understand the source of their desire
Society has this amazing way of telling people what they should aim for, and then brainwashing them into believing that it was their idea. Most people live their whole lives chasing something that society told them they should chase. They think they know what they want, but most people have no idea what they truly want out of life, nor are they ever going to figure it out.
You've opted out of this brainwashing. Your desires are your own. By deliberate introspection and exploration, you carefully curated your "want from life" list, and you protect yourself from the continuous attempt of society to shove its own list down your throat.
7. They respond well to difficult situations
Most people are helpless only because they choose to be. Life is unfair, after all. But how a person responds to those situations tells you everything you need to know about that person.
There are two responses to any unwanted situation: "What can I do?" and "What can I do?" The former is a statement. By saying, "What can I do?" they're saying, "I'm the victim here. This happened to me. I cannot do anything about it, except whine and complain."
The latter is a genuine question: "What can I do?" Such a person realizes that even though something terrible might have happened to them, it's their job to take responsibility and figure out how to make the best of a situation. If you're the latter, it's a sign that you have high social intelligence.
Akshad Singi, M.D., is a writer whose work has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, Medium, and more.
