4 Things That Separate Having A Few Good Days From Actually Being Happy
Kristina Shcherbina | Canva Over the past year, I’ve noticed a lot of self-growth, and the more I reflect, the prouder I become of myself. My resolution for the year was to make this the year of me, and it was a large success, so much so that I’m making it my resolution for next year as well.
The lessons I’ve learned will forever be ingrained in my mind, and the biggest one was how to separate having a few good days from actually being happy. I'm thrilled that I took the biggest upsets and have made them into positives. We can all admit, it’s extremely difficult to do. These are my biggest lessons on happiness from the past year.
Here are 4 things that separate having good days from actually being happy:
1. Knowing that closed doors don't stay closed forever
For the first time in my life, I lost my job unwillingly. It was terrible being laid off. My life was so secure, and I always had a plan. But for the first time, I genuinely had no plan but to try and get something new. I took my time to be upset, but I didn’t dwell.
Instead, I looked at it as a blessing and continued to look for something new. And after almost six months of trying, I got a new job I’m in love with that’s in a field I never expected to be in. It can be a frustrating wait, but it will be so worth it.
Losing a job can feel like losing a piece of your identity, but it is shown that the people who recover best are the ones who resist the spiral of worst-case thinking and stay open to unexpected paths forward. Research from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America notes that a resilient mindset means shifting from "why me?" to trusting in your own demonstrated ability to land on your feet again.
2. Not holding on to people who are ready to leave
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Yet again, I experienced another heartbreak by someone I didn’t expect to. The circumstance was horrible, but at the same time, I finally realized that there is no sense in fighting to keep someone in your life when they clearly don’t want to be in it. Show them the door and show them that you don’t need them to be happy because you’re a strong and independent woman.
Psychotherapist Nancy Carbone agrees that "when you want someone who does not love you, you put your happiness in the hands of others." Letting go is about taking your own happiness back from someone who was never really holding it carefully anyway.
3. Refusing to treat your struggles as personal failures
Regardless of how bad you feel about yourself, do not, under any circumstances, blame yourself over every detail. Sometimes we do have to take ownership of our actions. But a majority of the time, we overthink ourselves to a pit of depression and guilt. It’s hard, but think of how other situations affected yours and re-evaluate it. It will help you, trust me.
People who extended themselves some grace during setbacks reported lower stress and anxiety than those who defaulted to self-blame. Research shows this is because self-compassion literally interrupts the mental spiral before it takes hold. Being hard on yourself isn't the same thing as learning from your mistakes.
4. Making peace with what you can't change
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Until the past year, I always used to be someone who overthought absolutely everything. I held onto my emotions for a lot longer than I should have, and I couldn’t seem to drop a thing.
The moment you say “screw it” and move on with your life, you really notice a difference in your happiness levels. Once you figure out what to do to get yourself to move on, continue to do it and never stop.
Psychotherapist Dr. Lesley Goth says, "Forgiveness is freedom — it's an act that you do for your own inner peace, not for anyone else's." Making peace with what you can't change is about deciding the past doesn't get to keep writing your future.
As I mentioned earlier in this article, I made this my year. And by focusing on just myself (for the most part anyway), I learned to make myself a priority. By making these slight changes, you learn to appreciate yourself a lot more and can strive to achieve the right changes you want to make in life.
You dictate your happiness, and you dictate your future. Start making the changes now and start securing your life in the only way you know how to now. I did, and it was the best decision I ever made and the best lessons I learned.
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