You Can Learn Quite A Bit About Someone's Personality From 13 Things Often Found In Their Bedroom
darius bashar | Unsplash A friend of mine said that I have a detective's eye like Sherlock Holmes. I agree. When it comes to a person’s bedroom, well, it can tell you a lot about a person.
Because I used to date a wide variety of people, I quickly learned what to watch for in a bedroom. These observations have turned out to be incredibly accurate. I’m going to try to avoid obvious ones, like hobbies that you can see decorations of or identifiers like old college stuff. I’m going to talk about things you might not always pick up on and what it means about their personality.
What you can learn about someone's personality from the things they have in their bedroom:
1. A dirty bedroom = poor hygiene or problematic behavior
When I say a dirty bed, I don't mean that the sheets weren’t changed or that they forgot to make the bed. That’s just sloppy. I mean, you can see crumbs in the bed, the bed smells, the filthy sheets, and you see food lying about.
A good rule of thumb for any house is that a dirty home is a home where bad stuff is happening. At best, you’re looking at a person who cannot take care of themselves because they’re either physically incapable or were never taught to do so.
In the most extreme cases, it may be a sign of mental illness. People who are very depressed, traumatized, or schizophrenic tend to have messy bedrooms. If it’s not mental illness, I’ve found that it usually deals with substance use. Personally, this is a dealbreaker that should be pretty widespread. It’s a serious warning sign.
2. Books by the bed = a curious mind and a thirst for knowledge
I’ve heard more than one person say that they view a lack of books in a home as a red flag. As a writer, that’s kind of a thing for me, but I’ll point out that some people have e-readers like Kindles and tablets.
But a book by the bed? That’s always a good sign that you’re dating someone who appreciates intelligent conversation — or at least wants to learn something new.
The quality of the books also matters here. If I were to see a Jordan Peterson book on his shelf, I’d probably just collect my belongings and leave. On the other hand, if I saw a book about Japanese culture, we'd probably have a lot to talk about since I spent a lot of time there in my youth.
3. A pull-up bar or other workout equipment = a care for their health
Andrej Lišakov / Unsplash+
Whenever I see a pull-up bar, a yoga mat, or similar equipment, I’m going to assume that the person is in touch with their body. While this could just be a matter of being a health nut, the truth is that it tends to show that the person in question takes care of themself.
That’s a huge thing these days because a lot of our problems boil down to a lack of self-care. Pro tip: If your partner is sporty, expect to pick up a barbell or two if you want to keep them around. That’s a cornerstone of their life.
4. A bedroom that looks unusually youthful for its age = a red flag
A lot of people nowadays have a "geek corner" in their room with their favorite media stuff. They also may have stuffed animals they love. That’s actually pretty normal, especially for people who are young at heart.
However, there's a difference between a person who’s young at heart and a person whose bedroom looks like it belongs to a 12-year-old. I had an ex whose bedroom looked like it belonged to him at 13. Yes, it was unsettling, and he lived with his parents.
My stupid self didn’t recognize it as a red flag when I was 21, but in retrospect, it totally was. That particular ex was the worst case of "failure to launch" I’ve ever seen. He remains living with his parents, and he’s almost 50 now.
Your bedroom decor can tell a lot about who you are as a person. A person whose bedroom looks unsettlingly youthful is a person who may be emotionally or mentally "stuck" in that era. They may also be very emotionally immature.
In other words, this is a sign of a room that reflects a person’s inner world. Don’t be surprised if this person acts like a kidult.
5. A sparse room = either deeply utilitarian, not living there, or don’t spend much time at home
We’ve all seen pictures of bedrooms where no decorations or personal touches are inside them. Most of the time, it’s in brochures about corporate housing for rent.
If you’ve ever gone into a person’s home that looks like this, it can be jarring. It looks stark, maybe even a little uncanny or soulless. When you see this in a partner’s bedroom, it tends to mean that they don’t live there and that they travel more than they stay at home. However, that’s assuming they’re neurotypical.
People who don’t have many decorations or knick-knacks may also have a sensory issue that requires them to keep clutter and colors low. This can be done to help them focus or to just reduce anxiety.
6. Unusual lighting, artsy decor, and heavy colors = they are creatives
I like to joke that I can always point out the creative’s room. These rooms tend to be very colorful, filled with knick-knacks, paintings, and drawings. They also tend to be the ones that involve unusual lighting, like fairy lights or LED strips.
Generally speaking, the more aesthetically-oriented a room is, the more likely it is that the person in question really focuses on artwork as an outlet or career. People with these types of bedrooms are often eccentric, quirky, or just really into provocative ideas.
If you see a ton of bright colors, you may also have a person who has a bold and vivacious personality. They’re looking to be the center of the action, not a person on the sidelines.
7. Scented candles or sound machines = they know how to relax
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For a lot of people, their video game systems are their feelings regulators, and those are in the living room. Usually, anyway. On the other hand, we all need to have moments where we just kind of "wonk out" in our bedroom.
Take a look around the room. Do you see scented candles? An alarm clock that has waterfall sounds? Maybe it’s the soft lighting and aesthetics that help them calm down. Either way, it’s a good thing to know how they get into relax mode.
8. Bedrooms that look ultra-trendy = very centered on appearances
We all have that one friend whose bedroom looks like it was professionally designed, right? The friend who constantly has the bed made, everything perfectly spotless, with just the perfect little touch of decor? Yep. That’s who I’m talking about.
A person who adapts the look of an Insta-worthy room either is an influencer or happens to really care about looks. Most people do not have the budget or the time to keep up a room that is spotless on their own time.
So if you see this, it could be that the person wants to be perceived as stylish or elegant, or it could be that the aesthetic of the room is what helps them unwind and calm down.
9. A bed without a box spring = they are either broke or don’t care about their surroundings
This is not a red flag if you have a platform bed that doesn’t need a box spring or a futon. What I’m talking about here is a typical spring mattress plopped unceremoniously on a floor with no bed underneath or anything. I've seen this more times than I want to count, and I never understood it.
A mattress that needs a boxspring (like a spring mattress) is going to fall apart on you if you don’t have one. This can affect your sleep quality. Besides, it doesn’t look good on the floor. It looks rickety and can even attract bed bugs.
10. A bedroom that wasn’t cleaned before you arrived = a person who doesn't care about impressing you
When you’re going on a date, you want to put your best foot forward, especially if you intend on inviting that person to your room. That’s why it’s very telling when a date invites you to their apartment after dinner, only to have the apartment’s bedroom look like a pigsty.
I’ve seen a lot of dates who didn’t bother to tidy up their rooms before I came over. Heaps of laundry on the floor, drawers left open, random stuff everywhere … it was not appealing. It was messy, but it didn’t get too filthy yet.
A person whose bedroom looks like this when they invite you over doesn’t care about impressing you. Or, they just can’t seem to care for themselves because they are too busy with life. Or it could be minor depression kicking in.
I always viewed this as a relationship red flag, even when I was younger. Having a messy room is fine if you don't care about impressing anyone, but think about what that signals to someone if you two end up as an item.
Chances are, they aren’t going to change their housekeeping habits. They are going to stay messy. You might end up being the housekeeper, and trust me, that will get aggravating fast. Lately, I’ve also heard of people purposefully leaving their homes a mess to try to goad their partners into cleaning their place. Do not take the bait.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
