People Who End Up With Really Good Lives Instinctively Understand 5 Things Unhappy People Don't
nd3000 | Canva As someone who has struggled quite a bit in the love and life arena, I can tell you that it's rough out there. It’s kind of a weird world — gestures widely at everything — and we’re all just living in it.
There are a lot of problems that come with modern dating, much less our modern-day society. It’s easy to feel hopeless, but believe it or not, you're probably making progress and living a really good life, even if it doesn't necessarily feel like it. These signs suggest you’re actually doing better than you think.
People who live really good lives understand a few things unhappy people don't:
1. They don’t feel like they need a partner to be complete
It is okay to want a partner. It is okay to feel like you are not getting anything for your efforts in the dating scene and to feel like you were cheated as a result. It’s okay to worry about being single.
It’s not okay to need a partner. The difference here is the want and need. When you give off desperate vibes, people are not going to want to deal with you — even if you have a lot to offer. As bad as it is in terms of humanity’s nature, humans are hardwired to want what they can’t have.
We crave exclusivity and unavailability. That’s why desperation isn’t attractive. If you know you want a partner but are okay with not having one, congrats. You’re doing way better than a large portion of unhappy people out there.
2. People living good lives know the power of a strong support network
Did you know that we are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic? It’s true, and it is causing physical damage. If the only person you talk to in life is a potential partner, then you are not doing well. You should put dating on the back burner until you find friends, ideally IRL.
When you expect a partner to be your whole social life, you will end up making them feel smothered. It also makes you feel insecure when he’s/she’s out with friends. Having no support network puts you at a huge disadvantage, life-wise and dating-wise. A strong support network is crucial for building a good life.
3. They aren't afraid to meet new people and try new things
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It doesn’t matter if you are out moshing at a show or going to a game tournament. If you are getting out of the house and actively interacting with people of all genders, ages, and interests, you are doing better than a lot of people these days.
Anxiety has made a lot of unhappy people total shut-ins, and sadly, that puts them in a position prone to media that could make them hateful, encourage extremism, and further isolate them. That’s not good.
4. They won’t settle for just anyone
I’m a believer in keeping very high standards for the people you have in your circles. That is doubly true when it comes to dates. Both men and women should vet their partners thoroughly. When I was single, I often would settle for people who weren’t ideal.
I overlooked traits that should have been warning signs, simply because I wanted to believe in the best in people. That never worked out well. It got me hurt and used. If you are the type of person who's able to block and cut off people when they treat you badly or just don’t fit the bill, you’re living a better life than most.
5. People who live good lives know what they want and go after it
I’ll be honest. Most people I meet haven't a clue what they want. They think they know what they want — they want the status of being married as well as the Kodak moments. They may also want other things.
But let’s be real: The vast majority of people do not want the commitment, the increased workload they have to do, nor do they know what they truly want in a partner. It’s a two-way street.
It’s better to realize you’re not a "relationship" person and be honest about what you want than to end up in a relationship you hate. Too many people corner themselves because they got into a relationship they didn’t want.
If you are a relationship person, work to be a better partner for the time when you do find someone. If you’re not, it’s fine to be a loner. If you aren’t sure what you want, ask yourself why you want it and be honest with yourself. You might be surprised.
Romantic success does not always mean that you have a partner. There are tons of unhappy people whose relationships hurt them more than help them. There are also tons of people who don't know why they want what they think they want.
At the end of the day, romantic success is more about being content with who you are (alone or together) than it is about how your intimate life is going. Being happy in your situation is a lot harder than people make it to be, and it’s time we as a society acknowledge that. The sooner we redefine what success is, the healthier and happier we become — and the better our lives become.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
