Expert Says People Raised By Parents Who Didn’t Show A Lot Of Affection Often Struggle With 5 Things As Adults

A lack of affection in your childhood can deeply impact your future relationships, whether romantic or platonic. It can make it difficult to understand affectionate cues, show affection, and even accept affection from those who care about you.

You may not feel like you can move past the ways that have been instilled in you by your unaffectionate family, but there is always room for growth. The first step is to acknowledge the trauma instead of ignoring it. Seek help if you need to, and always prioritize your health and wellness.

Here are 5 things you might struggle with now if you grew up in an unaffectionate home:

1. Letting go of your boundaries

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Individuals who grew up in an emotionally absent home tend to have a thick wall of boundaries surrounding them. This helps to provide a shield against potential hurt and upset. These individuals become very aware of their needs and wants in relationships. Building strong boundaries at a young age is an act of self-protection and a strong expression of emotional independence, but it can be hard to let go of those boundaries down the road.

Emotionally independent people prefer to handle their emotions on their own and may find it difficult to let others through their walls to understand their emotions. They foster a strong sense of independence and self-sufficiency. Keeping some healthy boundaries in place is good, but don't let your standards get so high that you shut out everyone around you.

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2. Fear of vulnerability

Growing up in an unemotional home can significantly impact one's perception of vulnerability. In such an environment, expressions of emotions might be suppressed or dismissed, leaving children feeling invalidated or unseen when they try to express their feelings. It might present through a lack of emotional expression and a fear of rejection.

This can also include emotional rejection, where the child’s emotions are not accepted and taken well when expressed. Because of this, they have difficulty opening up and can have an extreme fear of vulnerability when talking to others about their feelings. Overcoming this fear can be hard, but it is possible. Start by gradually exposing yourself to emotional risk and building trust in safe relationships.

3. Difficulty controlling and understanding emotions

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Growing up in an unemotional home can have significant implications for emotional development and regulation. A lack of emotional guidance or the invalidation of emotions can create confusion and uncertainty for children about emotions and their meanings.

On some occasions, invalidation can be unintentional, especially if the parent also struggles to understand their own emotions and does not know how to handle their child’s emotions. It can be caused by experiences while growing up, which some would call “generational trauma”.

Developing emotional literacy is still possible. Take a moment to notice your emotions as you feel them. Give them a name, and try to identify what exactly triggered the onset of each one. Show yourself kindness throughout this process, and understand that it will take some time to rewire your brain.

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4. Struggling with self-esteem

Growing up in an unemotional home can profoundly impact self-esteem, often leading to struggles in this area. This can be caused by a lack of emotional nurturing and validation from parents. Children also learn to model their parents' behaviors, so unemotional parents can create unemotional or low-emotion expressive children.

The absence of affection or emotional support can leave a child feeling unimportant and unworthy, which contributes to low self-esteem, which will follow the child into adulthood. Difficulty with self-esteem can increase when the child enters high school and faces issues there as well. Children who have difficulty understanding or feeling emotions tend to have a hard time making friends and relating to others. This fosters a sense of loneliness and being left out by their peers.

As an adult, challenge your negative self-talk. Replace your limiting beliefs with positive affirmations to help you recognize your strengths and competencies.

5. Difficulty trusting others

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A lack of emotional connection and the invalidation of a child’s emotions can make it difficult for them to trust others as they grow up. Trust issues can stem from negative childhood experiences, including trouble with emotions in the home. Difficulty trusting others can have a significant impact on their social relationships throughout life.

Trust issues can cause isolation and fear that the people they care about are going to hurt them. This typically stems from an emotional trauma earlier in life. This trauma could just be an unaffectionate home where the child did not feel loved or whose emotions were not accepted by those around them. This causes distrust and pushes away those around them.

Allow yourself to take new relationships at your own pace. Your nervous system needs time to realize that it's safe, and your confidence in deciding who and when to trust will only grow.

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