Strong Women Don't Have 'Attitudes' — We Have Standards

Boy, bye.

woman with attitude the stock company / Shutterstock

When we were kids, “getting an attitude” usually meant we were refusing to eat our broccoli or other food we didn't like. 

We quickly learned that having an attitude was a bad thing and worth a scolding because it meant we were acting like snobby little brats who thought they were above eating veggies. I still don't like broccoli, but at least I don't throw a fit about it being on my plate anymore. Growth.


As we’ve gotten older, I think we’ve lost sight of that definition in a way that makes it difficult for strong women to find love

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Having an attitude means you’re putting out negative energy because you think you’re above the person/situation. It’s rude, childish and it will keep you from falling in love. No one is going to match the perfect image of a partner you have in your head.

People (aka those who are intimidated by women with confidence) want to say that women having high standards (and keeping up with those standards) are women who have attitudes. 


Uh, no. 

If a guy you’re not interested in asks you on a date, and you decline, you do not have an attitude. You simply weren't interested. It happens to all of us. Move on, buddy.

If you don't take on a project at work because it doesn’t line up with your moral values, you do not have an attitude. 

If you stop hanging out with a friend because she’s been toxic to your life, you do not have an attitude. 

Having high standards does not mean having an attitude. Being a strong, confident woman means you know what you want, and what kind of love you desire in your life, and you don’t make room for anything that isn’t. 

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You’re not judgmental or worried about what anyone else wants or does because you know everyone has a right to control their own lives. You’re not worried about other people or what they think. You're confident in yourself because you know who you are. Especially much better than some random guy who doesn't take a hint.

And if we're being honest here, that's the best kind of woman to fall in love with.  

So if someone tries to make you feel bad for knowing what you want, don’t entertain it. If they think you have an attitude, that’s their problem, not yours. (Unless you’re actually being rude for no reason, then it’s time to reevaluate.)

Strong women don’t compare themselves to others, and they don’t see life as a hierarchy. They know they can’t — and have no business — trying to control anyone else, so they just stay focused on their own goals. 


That’s something to praise, not ridicule.  

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Emily Blackwood is an editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between. Follow her on Twitter.