Self

Sometimes We Lose People In Order To Find Ourselves

Photo: Serhii Bobyk / Shutterstock
sad woman in black and white

By Emma Spear

Throughout our lives, we learn so much. We all learn different lessons, in different ways.

I could be here all day naming the lessons I’ve learned throughout the years. But if I’ve learned anything it’s the fact that we lose people in our lives in order to find ourselves.

It seems ironic, doesn’t it? We meet people throughout our lives and connect with them in so many different ways — love, friendship, and so on.

These people change us, and our lives, and they shape us into who we’re meant to be.

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I mean, think about it. We meet these people and they become a piece of us.

Our boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends change us and make us see life in a different way. Our personalities and opinions change. They cause us to see life in a different perspective.

If you didn’t meet that specific person at that specific time and place, you would be a completely different person. Your life would be so different, you probably wouldn’t recognize yourself.

Sometimes these people stay in our lives, but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they’re taken out of our lives, painfully.

And that theft of their presence hurts. But sometimes we need their absence in our lives. Sometimes we don’t realize that when someone leaves our lives, it’s because we no longer require their love in order to live.

Think of life as a movie. You have your main characters, supporting characters, and the minor roles.

A lot of the time, the minor roles are minor because they’re meant to be around for short amounts of time. It’s not that they’re not important. They are, but just for a short amount of time, and then they leave. They played their role, and now we no longer need them.

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When someone leaves your life, it’s because they no longer hold a role in your story. They were written out of the script. Their presence is no longer needed for the show.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t miss them, or the impact they had in your life.

These people loved us when we thought no one would. The love that they gave us will always be within our hearts — the memories, the lessons, the laughter. It’s a permanent piece of us.

But we no longer need it to live. We don’t need it to get through our day-to-day lives.

It’s not essential for us to keep moving on with our days. What we need is to be able to love ourselves without their presence.

It’s not easy. It’s really hard. It shouldn’t hurt this much. But it’s growth and it’s how we turn into who we’re meant to be.

No one said life was easy, but we have to keep going, despite how difficult it might become.

Those tears, screams, and heartaches are going to mean something to you and your story one day, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

It might just feel like a mess right now, and that’s perfectly OK. Life is meant to be messy.

We don’t know where we’re going to end up in this world, so for right now, enjoy the moments and take them in. Love yourself during the confusion, and be the person that you need.

Because at the end of the day, no one is going to be there for you like you’re there for yourself.

Hang in there, babe, you got this.

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Emma Spear is a student, paraeducator, writer, and contributor to Unwritten. She has a passion for writing about mental health, self-care, and education.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.