If You Lose Someone, But Find Yourself — You've Won

Congrats, you're no longer desperate.

happy woman Olesya Kuprina / Shutterstock

Breakups hurt because they're defined by a loss. You have to grieve for a person that is still alive. Not only do you lose that person, but you also lose the life and future you could have had with them. 

You lose out on new memories, potential happiness, and a relationship with someone you've grown very close to. Breaking up is essentially a grieving process. One in which healing requires sappy movies and drunk texting your middle school crush. 


RELATED: 20 Crucial Things To Do (And Not Do) After A Breakup

And while being upset over a breakup is normal and required to move on, it doesn't mean we have to believe the sky is falling. The relationship ended, not the world. It's okay to grieve, but don't make it your whole life. There are so many more people you'll get to meet, and not all of them will hurt you.

At first, it's easy to experience some kind of identity crisis right after a breakup, especially if you've been dating a long time. You were defined by this person and now you have the make your own identity again, and it's going to be hard. But it's going to be worth it.


You have to figure out how to handle friendships you made together, upcoming vacations, shared goals, and sometimes even housing situations.

In some cases, breaking up changes literally everything. It's almost like a custody battle. Who gets to tell your friends. Who has to back out of the Saturday night bar runs. You have to rearrange your schedule and find new ways to get to the grocery store without passing their apartment.

It's scary and overwhelming. But once you adapt and learn how to live your life independently, it can be the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing you have ever experienced. You get to become a new person. A new person that they'll never get to know. Isn't that beautiful. 

RELATED: When These 10 Things Start Happening In Your Relationship, It's Time To Break Up


And no, I'm not exaggerating. Life becomes a lot greater when you realize that not everything lasts and that's okay. Sometimes things aren't meant to.

Out of all the quotes you've been pinning on Pinterest, I'm sure there have been plenty that says something like "everything happens for a reason." Sometimes the reason is as simple as you needed this person — and this breakup — to get back in touch with yourself. 

So when you're ready to get off the couch and see the sun again, try beginning to let go of the idea that breakups are about loss. Because if you play your cards right and learn that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, then you'll figure out that you still have so much to gain. 

RELATED: 10 Ways To Survive Your Worst Breakup (And Bounce Back Stronger)


Emily Blackwood is a former editor for YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, and relationships.