10 Signs You — Not Him — Are The Toxic One In The Relationship

If you've gone through a slew of relationships that always seem to end with the guy breaking up with you, it might be time to do some self-reflection.

woman in neon light Golubovy / Shutterstock

Are you always finding yourself in a sea of drama? Constantly fighting with friends or in a never-ending make-up-break-up cycle? We hate to break it to you, but you might be the problem.

Today, we're sharing some signs you're the toxic one in your relationship.

The good news? Awareness is the first step toward change. Read on and be honest with yourself. A happier and healthier life may depend on it.


Here are 10 signs you — not him — are the toxic one in the relationship:

1. You're a classic blame-shifter

Whether it's a job loss, a fight with your partner, or a missed bill payment, it's not your fault. In fact, you constantly feel that people are making you behave in ways that leave those around you shocked and disappointed.


Here's a reality check: there's no gun to your head; your decisions stem from your character and what you value. Do you value your relationships, reputation, and happiness? Then work to discover the power of accountability and take control.

RELATED: The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them

2. You're super-negative

Are you always finding the worst part of a situation and harping on it? You're not a realist, you're a drag. Just as life is not all rooftops and cocktails, neither is it long lines and warm beer. Misery might love company, but happy, healthy, productive people do not want to be around someone who is always eager to bring them down.

3. You always talk about other people

Dishing the dirt with a trusted friend is one thing, but if you're spending 50 percent or more of your time talking about other people's lives, decisions, clothing, or rehashing what they said, you're contributing poison to the environment. The mark of an adult is the ability to decipher what is worth repeating and having the courage to have a conversation with someone you need to work something out with.


4. Your friends distance themselves

We all have lives and we won't have the time to hang out every weekend, but if you're noticing that the people in your life seem to be backing further and further away, there might be a bigger reason than a full agenda.

RELATED: 31 Bad Habits Of People Who Can't Seem To Make True Friends

5. You think being "brutally honest" is a good thing

Being honest and transparent is one thing, but anyone who boasts about being brutal in any capacity is a bully.

6. You always fight with your friends

In middle school, it was understandable to have constant playground tiffs (ugh, those hormones), but adults who are constantly battling their so-called friends are exhausting. While no relationship is always easy, as a general rule, friendships should be a place of support and joy, not a petty battlefield.


7. You're controlling

While we all appreciate the input and advice of those we care about, having someone constantly push us to do what they want and be who they think we should be feels suffocating at best, and abusive at worst. If it has to be your way or the highway, maybe you shouldn't carpool.

RELATED: Compassion For Mean People: 7 Ways To Understand Difficult People

8. You don't think about how you come across

We won't always say the right thing, but those who say anything they feel like saying without regard to how they are making others feel aren't exactly the first people we want to engage. Are people constantly telling you to tone it down or that you hurt their feelings? Chances are they are not "too sensitive," you're just coming across as a jerk.

9. You're always offended by something

From the person in the Starbucks line who doesn't move fast enough, to the way your brother-in-law chews his food, you're always ready to point out the ways something gets under your skin and how it can be done better.


10. You create drama (sometimes out of boredom)

A constant life of ups and downs is not exciting, it's chaotic.

RELATED: 15 Signs He's Using You Because He Hates Being Alone

Brenda Della Casa is the author of Cinderella Was a Liar, former managing editor of Preston Bailey, a Huffington Post Blogger, and a contributor for Divalicous.