7 Signs A Woman You Know Is A Total Narcissist
Yes, women can be narcissists, too!
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Close your eyes and imagine a narcissist. Try to picture what you think a narcissist looks like in your mind. It's a male, right? While, yes, there are many men in the world with narcissistic personality disorder, too often we associate the qualities of narcissism only with men.
We think of unrelenting ego and a smug sense of self-satisfaction and, for whatever reason, we identify those as male qualities. It’s one of the most common stereotypes about narcissism.
But here’s the thing — narcissism knows no gender boundaries. Women can be narcissists, too.
Female vs. Male Narcissists
Are men more likely to be narcissists than women? While there is some research to back that up, it doesn’t mean women are immune from narcissism.
We all know women who make everything all about them, women who flaunt themselves, and women who are vain or self-absorbed. Some women exhibit traits that align with the classic definition of narcissism, which is “excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance.”
Narcissism is more subtle in females, especially with covert narcissism and communal narcissism. Overt and grandiose narcissism are more common in males.
Women are known to have less severe traits and are more difficult to detect compared to men with narcissistic personality disorder. Women are more likely to be misdiagnosed, and have more empathy and emotional sensitivity than narcissists who are men.
There are many female narcissists in the world and, if you want to maintain healthy relationships with the people in your life, you should be cautious around them.
7 Signs Of A Narcissistic Woman
1. Every conversation revolves around her.
While it’s fine to talk about yourself occasionally in social settings, a narcissistic woman will almost exclusively talk about herself or will always steer the conversation back to herself.
Ask yourself, “When was the last time she asked a question about me?” If the answer is never, that’s a pretty clear sign that she’s very full of herself.
2. She's constantly canceling plans with you.
Conflicts happen, but one of the big signs she's a narcissist is when she pathologically refuses to commit to prior engagements. She doesn’t care about the impact on others.
She never even thinks about your disappointment. All she wants is the freedom to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, no matter how it impacts the people around her.
3. She goes crazy when you tell her 'no.'
This is one of the easiest ways to detect a narcissist. When they ask you to do something, just say, “No.” It doesn’t even have to be a hard “No.” You can just delay your response or say, “I’ll get back to you.”
Narcissists hate those kinds of responses. They don’t like other people exerting influence on their self-centered spheres of existence.
If you know a woman who loses her mind when you respond in the negative, she may exhibit narcissistic traits.
4. She flirts with people she doesn't like.
Flirting is a fun thing for adults to do, but narcissists use flirting as a tool to get what they want. This becomes apparent if you know a woman who uses flirting as a means of manipulation on people she’s not romantically interested in.
Narcissists think they’re the hottest things on Earth, and that inflated sense of self-image makes them believe that no one could ever resist them.
Thus, they flirt as a form of manipulation because they can’t imagine any man or woman wouldn’t be totally seduced by their feminine wiles.
5. She doesn't speak highly of the people in her life.
Narcissists see themselves standing on the top of the social pyramid, with everyone else firmly beneath their feet. This attitude can become apparent if you listen to how they talk about others.
Does the woman in your life frequently use derogatory terms to describe others? Does she always question other people’s intelligence, but never question her own?
That’s classic narcissist behavior. We all have the occasion to rip on our friends from time to time, but if you know a woman who is always doing that and never showing any signs of empathy or self-deprecation, she’s probably a narcissist.
6. She never accepts blame.
If she’s running late, does she ever apologize or was it always the fault of traffic/your directions/someone else? Narcissistic individuals have a difficult time accepting responsibility — they don’t like admitting that they’re ever at fault for a mistake or a problem.
Their worldview doesn’t support a reality where they could be wrong, so they always deflect blame and argue that someone else (or a factor beyond anyone’s control) caused the problem. You will rarely, if ever, hear a narcissist say “My bad.”
7. Her phone is full of selfies.
Is it all selfies? There's nothing inherently wrong with taking selfies, but if you know a woman who seems to exclusively take selfies, paying all of her attention to framing herself perfectly and never thinking to grab a shot of her family, friends, or the world around her, that’s a big narcissist red flag.
Women are just as capable of being narcissists as men are. If you have a woman in your life who never seems to exhibit any empathy and who always wants to make things about herself, she probably has narcissist tendencies and you should consider keeping your distance.
Friendships and relationships are all about give and take, which is something a true narcissist will never, ever understand. It's important for you to be able to notice the signs of a narcissistic woman to be able to better protect yourself from their harmful and hurtful behavior.
Elizabeth Ayers-Callahan is a freelance writer whose mission is helping other women feel less alone in their marriages. Her work focuses on sex and relationship issues.