Harvard-Trained Researcher Reveals The 5 Signs Someone’s Living A B+ Life That’s Good Enough On Paper, But Still Doesn’t Feel Right
If this is you, it probably means your life and your values are misaligned.
Viktor Gladkov | Shutterstock Unless we're among the lucky few, most of us have had a moment where we look at our life and think, "This can't possibly be it." Even if we've achieved the usual markers of success, it's like wearing a pair of shoes that don't quite fit. It's fine, but it's just… not right.
Professor and researcher Dr. Suzy Welch calls this a "B+ life," and says it's an indicator we should listen to, one that points to a life that is out of sync with our true identity and values. So, how do you know if this is you?
5 signs you're living an unfulfilling B+ life, according to a Harvard-trained researcher:
Welch is quick to point out that "B+" is defined by us ourselves, not by society, our families, our bosses, or anyone else. It's not about "the American Dream" or a house in the suburbs with a picket fence. Rather, it's a life that is just "good enough," as opposed to one that feels vibrant, life-giving, and hope-filled as we define them.
As she put it to CNBC, it's "certainly better than a stick in the eye, but can also be more damaging in the long run" because it's a fundamental misfit with who we are. Welch also acknowledged that in our grinding economy, "B+" is a huge achievement for many of us. Likewise, our levels of privilege and struggles with things like mental health all factor into how we evaluate our lives, too.
But in her experience as a professor, mentor, and researcher, Welch said that the overwhelming theme that has stuck out to her is that living a "B+" life is mostly a habit, and one often borne of not really quite knowing what your values are. (Welch has developed her own test for discovering what your values are if you're one of these people.) So what indicates that you're living a B+ life instead of one that's the right fit?
1. You feel drained by your life, despite how successful it is on paper
Whether it's in your career, your personal life, or both, you've hit most of the markers but nonetheless feel "numb, disengaged, or secretly exhausted," in Welch's words. She said this is because you've crafted an "outer life [that] doesn't match your inner truth."
2. Your values appear more in fantasy than reality
Welch said this is basically about talking the talk but not walking the walk. You can name your goals and the things important to you, but the choices you make in your day-to-day life and in where you put your energy and time don't at all align with your words.
You may also be the type who spends a lot of time dreaming about your ideal life, but that becomes a crutch that never actually manifests in action. This is a common trauma response by the way — it's called maladaptive daydreaming. (Don't ask me how I know.)
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3. Your life feels like a performance rather than something you're enjoying
Welch said this is a situation in which, if you were truly, brutally honest with yourself, you'd realize you are chasing clout or validation, or curating an image. But it isn't authentic to who you are or what you want, even if it's impressive. And often, she said, we can get so caught up in striving and pursuing this image we forget how to simply exist, to be happy and comfortable.
4. You repeatedly have conflicts in key relationships
Tough love, but no matter how much you may feel like the misunderstood victim, the common denominator in all those broken relationships is you! I personally spent the first 15 years or so of my work life in constant conflict with bosses who I was convinced were the problem, until I realized that the real issue was that I absolutely hated every waking moment of the work I was doing. (It also turned out I was very mentally ill on top of it, but that's a whole other subject!)
Welch said her research has repeatedly shown that patterns of "conflict, resentment, or emotional distance" are indicators that "you’re suppressing needs, boundaries, or truths about yourself" and that this has a tendency to "distort how we connect with others."
5. You fantasize about escape instead of evolution
If those aforementioned daydreams are all essentially about running instead of up-leveling, setting new goals, and reaching new turning points, that's a red flag. Reinvention is one thing; that's where you've finished with your former incarnation and are ready for something new. But wanting to burn your whole life down is another, and that's an indicator that your life is "misfitted" to who you are, according to Welch.
If these five things resonate, Welch said it's time to get really honest with yourself about what truly matters and what your values are. Once you know that, she suggested thinking about how those values intersect with your aptitudes and what she called "economically viable interests." Life is too short for a B+ life, and the path to an A+ one, or at least an A- one, might just appear if you do a bit of soul-searching.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
