7 Reasons Women Over 50 Say Nothing Improves Life More Than Girlfriends Who Just Get You
CarlosBarquero | Shutterstock As we age, we hear a lot about physical ailments, retirement, empty-nests or grown kids moving back home. We hear about losing our memory, menopause, and the dismal statistics on finding love after 50. I think we could use a new perspective, don't you?
One of the things I've truly enjoyed and found to be even more powerful after I turned the big five-O is the fun I have with my girlfriends who just get me. Notice I said positive, that is the key to feeling exuberant and happy with your friends. Just like you, I'm not interested in commiserating about declining health. I want quality conversations and a group of positive female friends who are fun to be with at any age.
What I've noticed is that my health is soaring, and I feel good every day because I take care of myself. If something about me is going wrong, instead of looking in the mirror and cursing, I look to my female friendships for support and enthusiasm to repair, release, or adjust my perspective about whatever needs a boost.
Now, I know society has us believing we're on the dying side of the hill and nothing is left but out-of-whack hormones and saggy skin. But it's our choice to buy into their drudgery or not, and I beg to differ with their depressing view of my age or dismal fate. Are you with me? It is possible to regenerate rather than degenerate, and I think 50+ is the perfect age to do it.
Here are 7 reasons women over 50 say nothing improves life more than girlfriends who just get you:
1. Girlfriends who always ask thoughtful questions force you to think deeper
My best girlfriends are women I keep in touch with regularly, oftentimes daily, and I've never even met one of them in person. Sound weird? Let me explain.
I met one of my positive gal pals in a business program delivered by telephone several years ago. The program had two calls per week, and this woman always asked questions that caused me to think deeper than I had been. I admired her thought process as she inspired me to visualize a bigger picture for my business.
A year later, we met up online to talk and ended up on the phone for hours. We became accountability partners to encourage and support each other daily for years. She is still one of my prized positive gal pals.
I must mention that she and I have little in common regarding our life situations. She is a married mom of two little boys, and I'm a single gal with no children by choice. We have never met in person, live in different states, and have been friends for years. She says something brilliant or profound every time we talk without even trying. She is intelligent, ridiculously funny, very inspiring, 18 years younger than I am, and I treasure her.
2. Girlfriends who respond with grace make you question your own reactions
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Another of my special positive gal pals and I met by phone when she called me to meet the person who had already purchased the domain name she wanted for her business. We talked on the phone for hours (is this a pattern?) and didn't even live in the same country. We've been buddies for years, and no matter how long between conversations, it always feels like we spoke just yesterday. I've met her once in person when I was invited to bring a friend to a business seminar.
She is magnificent and inspires me with her triumphant life and story. Her life would have left most people negative and bitter if they were even alive after what she's gone through. I met her afterward and was astounded by her story. She is an exceptional role model, and I'm proud to call her my friend. Her adult daughter writes the most beautiful letters any mother would ever hope to receive. I can see she has truly become the person and mother she was always meant to be, despite her early choices and most likely because of them.
3. Girlfriends who lead with love make you rethink what really matters
I met another special friend online a few years ago. She was referred to my website because her business was similar. But she waited over a year until another person had referred her to me before she contacted me. Yes, you guessed it. We spoke for hours on the phone when we met. (I'm definitely seeing a pattern here).
I was honored to meet her in person when she flew across the country for a three-day girlfriend adventure to Catalina Island with me and some other gals. I later realized I hadn't known well enough to travel with.
We got to meet in person again when she came to San Diego for a Deepak Chopra event. This friend always provides a new perspective when we talk, and I model how she does certain things that are so different from my own way.
She is my constant reminder to live each day loving people, especially the ones that inspire me to feel the opposite about them, as they are the ones who need it most. And just like the studies said, the positive vibration I create by responding healthily blesses them and brings more goodness into my life, including more friends like her.
4. Girlfriends who have done a lot of work on themselves show you what growth looks like
I met another quality gal pal on a sailboat at a meetup event one summer, and it took over a year for us to connect again on Facebook. Since I walk my talk and this gal said something to the effect of, "Hey, I've been meaning to contact you," it was the perfect opportunity to send her a private message. Since that day, we've had many adventures around San Diego together. My other quality gal pals are not local, so it's extra fun to have someone like her to hang out with.
Realize you may meet someone, and it may take time to grow to be the people who will be on the same page (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) at the same time. The best thing to do is to keep putting yourself in positions to meet new people so there are plenty of opportunities later on, if not instantly.
A really fantastic thing about this friend is that we have both done a lot of personal development work, and as noted in research, have meaningful, life-changing talks. This is a common thread with all of my positive girlfriends, as consistent personal development is one of my core values.
5. Girlfriends who pave the way show you what's possible
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Another friend of mine was a classmate in my certified life coach training class, which included people from all over the world. We were so glad we only lived 40 minutes apart that we became fast friends. We already had life coaching businesses in addition to all the fabulous communication training that comes with it.
She has different opinions on many topics, and I've learned to shift my perspective to see a smoother way to do things in my life. Also, we share something in common that neither of us could have possibly guessed. I was one of the first female paramedics in the US, and she was the first female firefighter in her city. We have so many similarities from working in a man's world of emergency response, when few, if any, other women were present. We both made our mark and were respected and celebrated for paving the way for other women in those fields.
I've had many friends in the past, but as research has shown, these women are my most beloved, positive, quality gal pals at age 51. Some are a few years older than me, and some are much younger. All are inspirations and role models, and I celebrate them. I'm intensely grateful for them daily.
6. Girlfriends who come through when you least expect them remind you you're never alone
Female friends come in handy when you least expect them, too. Just yesterday, I noticed my rear end wasn't as round as it used to be, and voila, a local gal pal called and told me about a new walking group she joined. I went with her, and guess whose behind is tighter today? Mine! I intend to walk with this group regularly because I met some cool women, and it's a fun, healthy thing to do.
Here's another way I met a lot of new potential gal pals. A couple of months ago, I joined the Commemorative Air Force as a volunteer. My dad was in the US Air Force, and I attended my first of many air shows while still in a stroller. I'm convinced this sparked my lifetime passion for the veterans.
I like World War II planes in particular. In my first week volunteering with CAF, I met over 50 new men and women with the same passion for the planes and vets. My experience as a volunteer with this group has made a tremendous positive impact on my life at age 51. In only two months, I'm excitedly building new friendships with people who range in age from teens to their 80s.
Get out and do something you are passionate about. You will meet others with the same passion. Find a group that does whatever you can think of. There is great potential to meet new friends when you get out and feel good about yourself.
7. Girlfriends who share the same core values make you feel understood
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The key to positive female friendships is to have the same core values. You will blossom at age 50+ with some good, positive gal pals, as you grow into someone more comfortable with herself. To be empowering, your women friends need to have positive attitudes, like seeing the glass half-full instead of half-empty (unless it’s filled with something bad-tasting!) and seeing a silver lining around the clouds that visit our lives.
A high-vibrating, high-energy friend won't get down in the dumps and become a constant energy drain, sucking you dry of any enthusiasm, or drawing you into a drama you didn't buy a ticket to see. She may have a down day like anyone, but she will pop back up quickly with your support and encouragement.
A woman with healthy self-esteem is a good female friend because she’s moving forward in her life and isn't buying into society's stagnant, tired view of what over 50 is supposed to be. She is more likely to celebrate every day with gratitude for the little things as well as the big, enjoy learning something new each day, and bask in the glory of the wisdom she’s developed over a life well-lived.
If you feel like you haven’t started to live yet, begin now. If you’re over 50 and have yet to develop a great friend or group of them, start today. You may feel like your health or figure isn't where you want it to be, but you can improve it. And you can definitely find more friends.
Keep your chin up and set your standards high for the new people you meet. Be the kind of person and friend you want to attract, and the ones who deserve you will step up and meet those standards. The ones who don't will quietly fade into the background of your past.
It can take some time to attract the right friends. Three of the five friendships I mention here didn't develop until over a year after we met. Timing is everything, and that's not up to you. What is up to you is meeting people, learning everything you can from all of them, and staying true to your core values.
Determine how you want to be treated, treat others that way, and wait for the right friends. You deserve them. My call to action is this: Women over 50 — get your quality gal pal on and let's move forward with healthy self-esteem, healthy bodies, and self-confidence!
Kelly Rudolph is a Certified Life Coach and Hypnotherapist who helps her clients manage stress and experience personal growth through greater confidence.
