Selfish People With Zero Empathy & A Mean Streak Usually Say 11 Phrases In Tense Conversations
retoncy | Shutterstock Everyone has had the misfortune of dealing with a selfish person at some point. As long as they're thriving and benefit from the words they use to guilt-trip others, they seem to care very little about how it makes their friends and family feel.
Selfish and mean people with no empathy often say these phrases in uncomfortable conversations:
1. 'That's not my problem'
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Selfish people shut down any request that doesn't directly benefit them; in their eyes, if it doesn't affect them, why should they care? And sure, maybe they're right to think this way, as let's face it: most people operate from self-interest. But only a truly self-centered person would disregard their loved one's feelings for their own self-interest, or lack thereof.
2. 'You need to chill out, you are way too sensitive'
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When a selfish person tells you to chill out, it really means, "I hurt your feelings, but I don’t want to take responsibility." It’s an easy way to flip the script and make you feel like the problem.
There will always come a point when even the most patient person will 'crash out.' While others may not fully understand them, most people can grasp that everyone is human and deserves grace and understanding. Sure, in a selfish person's mind, they might be thinking, 'this person is doing too much.' However, sometimes, it's best to keep those thoughts to yourself; otherwise, you risk upsetting those closest to you.
According to assistant clinical professor Jason Shimiaie, M.D., "When feelings are consistently brushed aside or ridiculed, people may learn to suppress their emotions or question their own reality. Over time, this can fuel anxiety and depression. Invalidating feelings is hurtful, and while someone can be honest, they can also be understanding and respectful.
3. 'You owe me'
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In any relationship, there's a give and take. Still, there will always come a point when someone gives more than they take, and vice versa. Even when they do something nice, there's always a string attached. With selfish people, every favor is just a future guilt trip in disguise.
Sorry, but doing something nice for someone doesn't create a natural obligation. It can even make that person feel exploited and disrespected, causing long-term damage. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology links feeling disrespected to increased aggression. So, while deeply selfish people might not see anything wrong with their behavior, they should think twice. Operating from this mentality doesn't look good for them or their reputation.
4. 'I guess I'm the bad guy now'
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This is their go-to line when they get called out. Instead of owning up, they throw a pity party to dodge real accountability. In their delulu version of life, there's always a good guy and a bad guy. Even if someone tries their hardest to remain cordial and respectful, there will come a point when people become the villain in someone's story.
5. 'If you really cared about me, you would...'
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Classic manipulation. They turn your boundaries into proof that you don't love them enough. It sucks, but not everyone can meet others' needs, no matter the relationship. That said, how someone reacts reveals a lot about them.
For those who are understanding and don't take it personally, congrats, they're a bright green flag. However, if they try to manipulate a situation to get what they want, even when their loved one tells them they can't, that's a red flag that should make people pack their bags. Especially if they say, "If you really cared about me, you would..."
It might not seem like a big deal, but manipulation and guilt-tripping are no joke. According to Dr. Bruce Y. Lee, Executive Director of the Center for Advanced Technology and Communication in Health, "Guilt-tripping can leave you anxious, confused, filled with self-doubt, and even questioning reality." Call out this behavior; always leave if their selfish ways are impacting your mental health.
6. 'Ugh, I don't have time for this'
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Another phrase deeply selfish people use regularly is, "Ugh, I don't have time for this." This usually comes out when you need emotional support. To them, your feelings are just another inconvenient task to ignore, but if someone truly cared about their loved one, they'd make time.
According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., "Selfish people are not likely to be very responsive to another person in any way other than evaluating how that person meets their needs." So, while it might sound cruel, selfish people don't care.
If you don't directly benefit them, or worse, if you become a hindrance, they won't hesitate to cut you off or ignore you completely. Is it cruel? Yes, but at the very least, these hard words make it clear to their loved ones where they stand with selfish people.
7. 'You should be grateful, I did everything for you'
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If someone grew up with selfish parents or had a toxic partner, then they likely heard this phrase uttered way too many times. It's unfortunate, but selfish people will always find a way to manipulate a situation to their advantage. They weaponize generosity; even if they have to tear down someone's self-esteem, they'll do it just to get what they want.
This is why a phrase deeply selfish people use regularly is, "You should be grateful; I did everything for you." Now, even if someone were to take what they said as truth, doing something for someone while expecting something in return is no bueno. Regardless of what anyone says, people are here to give and take without expecting anything in return. Yet, despite this fact, selfish people don't particularly care. As long as they're able to manipulate and keep people in their claws, who cares who they hurt, right?
8. 'I don't see what the big deal is'
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When you express hurt or frustration, they minimize it. Because if it’s not a big deal to them, why should it matter to anyone else? In typical fashion, most selfish people can't see how their actions affect those around them. Maybe it's because they don't necessarily care, but you'll often hear selfish people complain that they "don't see what the big deal is."
9. 'That's just how I am'
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When you hear someone say, "that's just how I am," you know they're probably one of those deeply selfish people who refuse to grow. Selfish people love using this as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Sorry, but if 'how you are' is a complete jerk to others, then this isn't a personality trait; it's a bad flaw that needs to be changed.
Author, consultant, and coach James M. Kerr continued by writing, "People have the capacity to change. However, they must choose to do the work needed to make change happen." That being said, while selfish people often can't see the error of their ways, others can. This is why selfish people are so alone in the first place. After all, who can put up with their manipulative and toxic ways in the first place?
10. 'Other people don't have a problem with it'
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One frustrating thing about a selfish person is that they apply their experience to everything else. For instance, let's say they curse a lot; their partner might not mind, but their friends certainly do. Yet instead of respecting their friends' wishes, deeply selfish people often use the phrase, "Other people don't have a problem with it."
Sure, other people might not have a problem with it, but they're not the ones dealing with it, are they? It should be common sense, but how someone acts around one person might not fly well with another. From how they act at work to how they act in the comfort of their home, people must learn to wear multiple masks.
Is this annoying and a bit unfair? Sure, in an ideal world, people could be their unapologetic selves without feeling shamed for it. However, as it stands, this is reality, and in the real world, how someone acts should vary from person to person, even if selfish people dislike it.
11. 'I don't have to explain myself to anyone'
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Finally, the most selfish phrase people use regularly is, "I don't have to explain myself." This is their favorite way to shut down conflict. They get to do what they want, hurt who they want, and walk away without explaining themselves. Sure, they might've cussed someone out or called someone out of their name, but it doesn't matter. As selfish people often do, they don't have to explain their actions to anyone.
Even if their actions are clearly wrong, it doesn't matter. They expect people to forgive them, even if they've done no work to heal or improve as a person. And if someone dares not forgive them for their out-of-pocket behavior, guess what? It's the other person's problem, not theirs, which is why nobody likes to be around selfish people in the first place.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
