3 Rare Phrases Genuinely Secure People Say Pretty Much Every Day
Zura Modebadze | Pexels Genuinely secure people don't go there, don't take it, and don't care if you don't like it. Your criticism and, shall we say, feedback, doesn't bother them the slightest because they have a firm grasp on reality and their place within it.
They're also savvy: They know the best way to be secure is to help others feel the same, which usually means giving someone else the time of day, not dominating the conversation, and letting other people have the floor. It becomes a reciprocal win/win relationship since the person being heard feels more socially connected, and the person who is listening feels more secure through better understanding.
These rare expressions said by genuinely secure people may seem like no biggie on the surface, say experts, but they actually reveal a deep sense of self-trust in a person.
Here are 3 rare phrases genuinely secure and at-ease people say pretty much every day:
1. 'It is what it is'
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Genuinely secure people say this phrase pretty much every day, explains astrologer Aria Gmitter. Through self-acceptance, they are comfortable letting the world turn without it reflecting their power. There's a fine line between taking responsibility to fix a problem and accepting things as they are without the need to intervene. Trying to get others to conform to how you think it should be is insecurity disguised as power.
Security is accepting reality without distortion. It's spiritual, and nearly every major belief system has a form of accepting reality at face value. This type of surrender is not the same as giving up agency or doing nothing. Wisdom knows you can't fight reality.
Secure people take action without needing control; they don't need validation for life to be meaningful. Their action doesn't always produce external results. Sometimes, taking action means they simply learn.
Secure people know that having "control over everything" is a cool mantra, but it's a farce. It is something outside themselves they can't see, and that is okay. They trust in a universe bigger than themselves to handle what feels impossible, even when they have high hopes. They see the light within both good times and the worst.
Secure people are discerning. They sense what needs to change, and choose their role in it. They use good old-fashioned awareness.
Saying, "It is what it is," means they don't get to decide another's fate. A secure person is action-oriented and requires self-restraint. They come from a place where situations, people, and places define themselves. A secure person doesn't need (or like) to impose an opinion and push their own agenda.
2. 'What do you think or feel?'
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Career consultant Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., says this question shows genuine interest and willingness to be open. It's the question a secure learner asks rather than the question of someone who's a seller or talker or know-it-all. Asking for others' ideas or feelings is essential for effective listening. Secure people will usually follow up with another open-ended question starting with 'how.'
'Why' questions are less inviting since asking why often sounds accusatory. Studies of online and in-person conversations have shown that people who ask more questions are seen as caring and more secure, and that's especially true for follow-up questions. Asking well-thought-out questions helps people form better social connections and makes them generally more likable, and these stronger social bonds act as a safety net of security.
3. 'Not my circus, not my monkeys' or 'That's not mine to carry'
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You've probably heard these expressions, and many like them come naturally to people who know how to compartmentalize life and its responsibilities, points out therapist Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D. They practice a kind of emotional triage that lets them feel empathy without absorbing other people's problems as their own. They know the difference between compassion and compulsive caretaking. That distinction is a healthy sign of emotional regulation. People who can emotionally triage stay fully present without losing themselves in someone else's chaos.
The secure person can face the world and its daily challenges in a way that acknowledges the suffering we all encounter without letting the impact of suffering take them down a destructive path. Their mindset helps them manage and stay secure in a world of contradictions.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
