The Quiet Secret To Being Truly, Authentically Attractive

Sexiness shines from within you, no matter what you wear or where you are.

Last updated on Mar 11, 2024

powerful woman Nicholas Green | Unsplash

Nothing is so riveting, so attractive, so exciting than to be with someone who is being their authentic self — not hiding who they are, not judging who they are, and not constricting who they are. They are just being.

To illustrate what I'm talking about, let me tell you about the day I met my all-time favorite actress. The year was 1992, and I was working at a major NYC hospital. On this particular day, I was wearing my favorite dress (it was so in style at that time) and having a great hair day. I knew I looked really good. You know that feeling of confidence, of knowing that it's going to be a wonderful day? Well, that's where I was, enjoying all of me.


In other words, I was in my sexy. That energy of mine filled up the rooms that I occupied that day.

So, I was in an elevator by myself and was so engrossed in a paper that I was reading, that I didn't realize I had missed my floor — I was headed back to the lobby again. The elevator doors opened and in walked 85-year-old Katharine Hepburn.

She wasn't tall or glamorously dressed. She was wearing her On Golden Pond-like garb: khaki pants, white turtleneck with a large-brimmed straw hat. It was as if she came straight from working in her garden to visit her doctor.

Her energy was magnetic, confident, powerful filled with sunshine, and, well, sexy.


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It was only the two of us in that large elevator — I was in the back, and she was near the doors. After pushing the button for her floor, she turned around and what happened next was one of the most memorable moments of my life.

Without any words being spoken between us, she examined me like an unabashed child. First, she looked at my shoes, then she looked up at my dress, then my face and hair. Then, the magical moment — her twinkling eyes looked straight into mine, she smiled and tipped her hat in a gesture that said something like, "Wow! You've got it all, kid!"


vibrant women pulls us inPhoto: - Yuri A via Shutterstock

I smiled back as if to say, "Thanks, I know," the doors opened, and she meandered off in her confident, sexy, her-being-totally-her kind of way. As if I wasn't floating already that day, I was floating now. What a sweet and wonderful day that was! Now, this is what I mean by "sexy."

Both Katharine and I were being ourselves and loving it. We exuded our magnetic energy. Even though I use the word "sexy," I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about you being the you that you are. You are power. And in this power, you are sexy.


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Now, what would it take to bring out your sexy?

First, notice that it feels good to be you. You are power. Feel the power of you. You are unique. Feel the uniqueness of you. You are magnetic. Feel your magnetism. You are sexy. Feel your sexy. Own who you are.


Next, repeat these statements, like mantras, for 3 days straight. Then, walk into a store or down the street and notice that eyes are on you — because you are in your sexy. Notice your magnetism. Notice the power of you. Enjoy being your sexy self.



  • I AM power
  • I AM unique
  • I AM magnetic
  • I AM sexy
  • I own who I AM
  • I love who I AM

"A great figure or physique is nice, but it's self-confidence that makes someone sexy." ~ Vivica Fox

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Tamara Green, LCSW is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Asn. of Social Workers since 1991. She worked as a psychiatric social worker for the renowned New York Presbyterian Hospital for 15 years. Currently, she is a nationally recognized psychotherapist and life coach in private practice.