7 Psychological Tactics Narcissists Use So They Never Have To Admit They’re Wrong
Ave Calvar Martinez | Canva As a trauma-informed somatic coach, Jenna Lea focuses on betrayal trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. Lea is a brainspotting practitioner, an alternative therapy treatment to process trauma stored in the subcortical brain, which is responsible for emotions, consciousness, learning, and motion. Based on the theory that trauma can stay stuck in the body, brainspotting works to reset the memory of a specific trauma.
After being diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lea “had no self-worth, felt broken inside, and felt like she was lost in a deep hole with what felt like no way out," yet she found her way back to herself. Her personal process of healing from narcissistic abuse led her to help others heal, as well. She offers guidance on the psychological tactics narcissists use in relationships to avoid taking blame, along with ways to overcome that trauma.
Here are 7 psychological tactics narcissists use so they never have to admit they’re wrong:
1. Shifting blame
When a narcissistic person is confronted about causing emotional harm, they’ll often use techniques to deflect any responsibility. Instead of owning up to their actions and apologizing for hurting you, a narcissist will make it seem like other people, even you, are at fault.
Marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., explained, "People issue faux apologies for several reasons. They may not believe they did anything wrong or just want to keep the peace. They may feel embarrassed and want to avoid their feelings. They may feel shame about their actions, but feel unable or unwilling to confront their shame. People who consistently fail to apologize may lack empathy or have low self-esteem or a personality disorder."
2. Denial
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Narcissists live in a state of consistent denial, believing they're never at fault for how they act. They won’t admit to their own negative or unhealthy actions, nor will they acknowledge that their behavior impacts others. By denying reality, they destabilize their partner, which allows them to remain in control of the relationship.
Research has shown that people in relationships with narcissists experience cycles of being idealized and then devalued. Partners trapped in this type of dysfunctional relationship become dependent on the instability and often suffer from anxiety and depression. The study suggested seeking help that focuses on boundary setting and managing dependency on them.
3. Gaslighting
Another way that narcissists destabilize people is by gaslighting them, which Lea defines as “distorting facts and manipulating your perception of reality, to make you doubt your own memory and experiences.”
"Emotionally neglectful partners do these things because they grew up in families that were emotionally unaware, and they did not learn how to recognize, understand, or read feelings in themselves or others," said Psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D. "Nevertheless, the unintentional effect on you is an erosion of your trust in yourself and your sense of valuing your feelings, which are the deepest expression of who you are."
4. Projecting
Narcissistic people often react in a combative way to confrontation. Calling out a narcissist for how they’ve hurt you or for behaving poorly can result in them projecting that behavior back onto you.
Projecting is a way for them to deny accountability and make it seem like you’re the one who’s in the wrong. By assigning their personality flaws and negative traits to the people around them, they slough off any sense of responsibility.
5. Feeling victimized
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Lea explained that playing the victim is yet another way that a narcissist refuses to recognize the validity of their partner’s feelings. She shared that "Narcissists often portray themselves as victims, creating a narrative where they are the ones who have been wronged."
People with narcissism need to feel superior, so they often feel like victims to conceal their flaws. A study showed how people with a strong sense of entitlement have more daily conflicts since they have a biased memory and act like a victim in any situation where they need to maintain their self-image.
6. Stonewalling
Giving someone the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse that narcissists use to avoid accountability. Lea said that narcissists "may employ evasive tactics to escape facing consequences, whether it’s changing the subject or disappearing when confronted."
Couples counselor Margaret Paul, Ph.D., suggested, "It's no secret that kids generally don't like it when their parents ignore them. When prisoners are punished, guards isolate them, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is, other than physical abuse. Likewise, silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way of attempting to control your partner or others into doing what you want them to do. It's a withdrawal of approval and can generate much fear in people who are vulnerable to this."
7. Minimizing their actions
On the off chance that a narcissist does take responsibility for causing harm, they’ll likely make it seem like that harm wasn’t actually a big deal. Lea noted that “even if they admit to something, they downplay the severity of their actions, making it seem less significant than it truly is.”
Being at the receiving end of narcissistic behavior can make you feel as though you’re the one who’s at fault. The tactics employed by narcissists function by chipping away at your sense of stability and self-worth, yet those can be rebuilt. Giving voice to the experience of being in a narcissistic, abusive relationship is the first step toward reclaiming your life and taking back your power and prosperity.
"You have to do more than simply break up with someone who treated you badly to recover from narcissistic abuse," advised relationship coach Donna Andersen. "You have to pledge to break the patterns that led you to that person in the first place. If you’ve escaped one of these pathological relationships, it will take time to get over it. To truly recover from narcissistic abuse, you need to commit to your healing. That means deciding you want to feel better and doing the internal work to accomplish your goal."
Healing from the toxicity can be a long, non-linear journey, one that may feel insurmountable. Yet given the right support networks, people can regain a sense of stability, learn how to trust themselves, and let go of whatever shame they’re carrying.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers mental health, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
