People With Zero Compassion For Others Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
michaelheim | Shutterstock When we see a friend crying or sense that we made someone uncomfortable, it's natural to rush to comfort them. That's compassion. Unfortunately, some people just don't have that level of care for the people around them.
It's true. Some people just don't have the capability to empathize with others. And while for some it is likely related to dark personality traits, it might not always be malicious. They might never have learned otherwise. Either way, it can be extremely disheartening and makes a casual conversation turn tense quickly.
Those who lack compassion can flippantly say these phrases when casually talking to others:
1. 'You're so sensitive'
People lacking in the compassion department find it difficult to comprehend why others might be upset. Part of the reason they struggle with empathizing is that they're pretty stone-cold themselves.
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This phrase is typically not said in a positive manner because sensitivity is often seen as a weakness. Individuals who use this as a response to someone in their life being frustrated or sad are completely invalidating their experience. This dismissive attitude can make the other person feel like they need to shrink their feelings or change themself to fit expectations.
2. 'What's the big deal?'
It seems like those who have difficulty empathizing expect everything to roll off your back. They have little time for dramatics, which is partially due to their inability to put themself in your shoes.
When someone lacks empathy, they don't meet you halfway when trying to understand your feelings. They'll hear you venting and minimize your problems. Sometimes, people will credit this with trying to make you feel better. They may even have a mindset that if they don't react, then the problem will go away.
But most times, it just makes you feel like you're being dramatic, even if the problem is completely valid. Regardless, nobody should be telling you what way to react to a situation. A problem doesn't need to be validated for it to be worth your time.
3. 'Not my problem'
One of the biggest reasons some don't naturally respond compassionately is that they're too self-absorbed. When someone's caught up in their own world, they don't want to make others' business their own, even if it would be helpful.
This kind of thinking may also be in a less directed fashion. Maybe they don't announce that they're unbothered by your problems, but rather by things going on in the world. It's main character energy to an extreme.
But this thinking is harmful. The only way to make positive change is by empathizing with people and situations that we're removed from. The biggest advocate should be the one who isn't necessarily affected by the results but wants to initiate change. A highly compassionate person will be a shoulder to cry on, even if they don't entirely understand the circumstances.
4. 'I'm just being honest'
We all know that honesty is the best policy. Letting people in on the truth can provide moments of growth and deeper connection. But there's a fine line between being honest and being blunt, and those who lack compassion have a tough time deciphering that.
When they do give advice, it can often come off harsh. They see it as honest, constructive criticism, but the words burn more than intended. Rather than being apologetic when you address the situation, they cite the value of honesty as an explanation.
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Being compassionate means knowing how to deliver the truth. Using the sandwich method or being authentic can greatly benefit the person on the other end, while still giving them the resources or advice they may be seeking.
5. 'You should be grateful'
The best type of friend is somebody who lets us vent. There are so many negative things going on in the world at times, but this shouldn't be used as a tactic to lessen our own problems. Unempathetic people don't understand that two things can be bad at the same time without comparison.
Sometimes they'll even share their personal struggles, but not in the way you think. Instead, they'll use it to make you feel bad for complaining. It's like playing can you top this, but with life struggles.
These people don't just invalidate your feelings, but also their own. When they catch themselves venting, they'll completely disregard everything they've said. These individuals may have come from an upbringing that didn't allow for the open expression of emotions.
6. 'I already said sorry. What more do you want?'
Compassion doesn't just manifest verbally, but also through actions. When we make mistakes, we take lengths to correct our behavior by changing the steps that caused the error. Many of us have learned now that just saying the words "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it.
Self-absorbed individuals don't seem to understand that it's the bare minimum to say those two simple words. So when you're still upset after they've wronged you, even after relaying that message, they get frustrated.
Saying this phrase reduces the original intent, because a truly apologetic person wouldn't be frustrated by the other person being upset. Having empathy means understanding that you've wronged someone and owning up to your mistakes.
7. 'Just let it go'
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This may be a follow-up for the previous phrase, or it may be a dismissal towards something that's been irking you. Either way, it's belittling and can make you feel childish.
Those who lack empathy also have trouble processing their own emotions, which confuses them when others are stuck on an issue. They fall under the category of people who prefer to bottle things up, so when they come into contact with people who want to talk it out, it's hard for them to respond appropriately.
8. 'That was so long ago'
The things that haunt us in the past are the things we often want to talk about the most. Whether it happened two weeks ago, or two years ago, it's good to get it off our chest.
However, this can be frustrating for those with no compassion, who want you to let it go already. If it's been a large chunk of time since the upsetting event, it's difficult for them to process why you're still talking about it.
Rather than reprocessing those bubbled-up emotions, your dismissive friend will make you feel bad for still being hung up on it. They probably have unprocessed trauma going on, but are pushing it down rather than letting it come to light.
9. 'Everything happens for a reason'
In the midst of tragedy, this is one of the most unhelpful things to say. This may be said with good intention, but it may upset the person more. Saying something was in the cards doesn't ease any of the pain they may be experiencing, and it can create greater anxiety about what's to come next.
People say this when they aren't thinking about the person's needs or feelings, but rather how they look as a person. They want to get rid of the negativity in the air by blaming it on fate, but being compassionate means recognizing what kind of support someone may need.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her focus is lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationships.
