People Who Are Fishing For Information Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversations
Jack Sparrow | Pexels We can usually tell when someone's trying to get gossip from us or read too deeply into a story.
But sometimes, people who are fishing for information can be sneaky, using subtle phrases and unsuspecting questions. We might even believe their questions are well-intentioned, because they make us feel heard and urge us to perceive someone as more likable.
Phrases people who are fishing for information will say casually
1. 'Well, I heard something different'
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Instead of admitting that they know nothing, people fishing for information will try to make conversations into a competition. They suggest they know something another person doesn't. If they know someone has gossip or information they want, they try to pretend like they've heard something different as bait.
This behavior isn't always inherently malicious. Sometimes, it's just human nature to want to feel like we belong by knowing something that someone else already does.
2. 'Someone told me they don't like my outfit'
We can sometimes notice someone fishing for a compliment when they say something like this. It's also somewhat instinctual.
We can tell what someone's aiming for or hoping to get from a conversation just by their body language and the tone of their voice. They're revealing their insecurity. And even if they don't realize it, it's somewhat obvious when you know what to look for.
3. 'Do you know if this is true?'
Even though it requires sharing some layer of unverified gossip to get here, some people sneakily looking for information will ask a question like this to pry deeper. Yes, gossip can sometimes be healthy for connection and closeness in small doses, but when it's clear there's an element of manipulation, it rarely offers those benefits.
Oftentimes, we don't even realize we're being played in these conversations. A question like this can make us feel important. It's this kind of casual manipulation that we don't even realize, which can be the most destructive in the wrong hands.
4. 'I promise I won't say anything'
When someone is trying to build trust that doesn't exist or convince someone they're trustworthy, phrases like this should be a red flag. With someone you already trust, they shouldn't have to remind you that they're a safe place for secrets. You already know.
So, if you get the feeling that someone's not trustworthy, despite phrases like "I promise, I won't say anything," that's probably a piece of intuition that you should follow.
5. 'I only ask because I'm worried'
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Weaponizing worry and consideration for someone as an outlet to seek information about their lives is something only sneaky people would do. If they really cared, they'd go to the person. If they were truly worried, they wouldn't open a conversation with a phrase like this.
Yes, there are circumstances where talking about someone behind their back or sharing information about their struggles is healthy, but usually, this kind of care is just a mask for someone wanting gossip.
6. 'In a hypothetical situation...'
People trying to avoid accountability for their manipulative or negative behavior may use hypotheticals to get what they want. They don't have to actually gossip about someone by name, so it creates a loophole for avoiding responsibility for their words.
So, be careful the next time someone says this kind of phrase. Either they're fishing for information or they're looking for a way to say something incredibly hurtful under the radar.
7. 'I can help you figure it out'
Alongside compassion and empathy, we often feel most inclined to share secrets with people who feel assertive. It's the people who are willing to help us on the other end of a secret that we often feel most comfortable sharing with.
But if someone's putting this on as a front, there's a chance you're being taken advantage of or gaslit. "I can help you figure it out" might be what they say, but in reality, they're trying to seek out information that makes them feel powerful or in the know.
8. 'If I had to assume...'
Someone trying to open up gossip or drama in a situation may try to prime the room by dropping in their two cents first. "If I had to guess" or "If I had to assume" is their way of making someone else feel comfortable, even if the information they share isn't true or valuable.
They're manipulating someone into feeling safe, like they're in a collaborative, exclusive conversation. But actually, all they really want is the bragging rights of information they're not supposed to have.
9. 'I know you know'
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When everything else in their collection of subtle tricks doesn't work, someone pleading for information may start playing the blame game. Suddenly, you're the perpetrator for having information, and they're the victim for not having it.
While it might seem petty and even frustrating reflecting on these conversations, this blame game can be convincing. For someone who needs validation from others or wants to people-please, trying to solve someone's issue by expressing secrets or sharing gossip might feel impossible to avoid.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
