If Someone Is A Quietly Cruel Person, They’ll Reveal It With These 11 Behaviors
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Some behaviors do not alone signal that a person is quietly a cruel person. However, the intentions behind these behaviors can highlight a person’s true colors. When they consistently disregard the overall well-being of other people and only take into consideration how certain things will benefit them, they may be a quietly cruel person.
While this kind of behavior can stem from their own unresolved issues, mainly low self-esteem, there is no excuse for treating other people badly for their own benefit. On the surface, someone may seem just like any other kind person, but when they start behaving in these ways and do so with malicious intent, they are surely not nearly as kind as they have tried to project.
If someone is a quietly cruel person, they’ll reveal it with these 11 behaviors
1. Subtle manipulation
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Subtle manipulation can be the result of several underlying issues, such as low self-esteem or narcissism. However, this kind of behavior can still reveal that a person is actually quietly cruel if they consistently disregard the emotions of other people to continue getting their way.
The manipulator will constantly be after personal gain. They attempt to control the things that another person does and the way that they think in order to achieve this. Taking advantage of others and being willing to sacrifice another person’s well-being for their own gain is what reveals that they are cruel.
2. Undermining achievements
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Someone who is willing to undermine the achievements of others can be considered cruel if they do so with the intent to cause emotional harm. They may do this if they feel envious and want to make someone else feel small and insignificant.
This kind of behavior also lacks empathy and any respect for someone’s goals and successes. They typically feel as though their failures are highlighted when they consider how accomplished another person is. Because of this, they feel the need to make that person feel small so they can start feeling big again.
3. Using belittling nicknames
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When a person feels poorly about themselves and is cruel, they will typically take this insecurity out on other people to make themselves feel better. One way that they may do this is by calling other people belittling nicknames.
“Calling others names they do not deserve stems from insecurities, displaced aggression, or the need to dominate and/or control a partner/friend/coworker/etc. Those who do not have much ego strength build themselves up by tearing down innocent others,” explains Loriann Oberlin, a licensed clinical professional counselor. They have impure intentions when they treat others in this way, which is why it is so revealing of their cruelty.
4. Violating boundaries
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When a person consistently violates the boundaries others have set, it shows a complete lack of consideration and respect for others. They know that by disregarding boundaries, they are opening the door to potentially causing another person emotional pain and distress. Yet they still choose to do it because they feel as though it will grant them control.
When cruel individuals feel like they have control over another person, they begin doing whatever benefits them without any concern for the impact it has on someone else. This lack of care and malicious intent is what can signal that someone is quietly cruel.
5. Always playing the victim
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Always playing the victim is usually a manipulation tactic that an individual will use to control certain situations, as well as the perception others have of them. This reveals how cruel a person is because it preys on the empathy of other people.
Playing the victim “includes an effort to control the story and manipulate one’s role within a situation to make it appear something has happened to the person, when in reality the person played a bigger role in creating what happened than the person lets on,” mentions Dr. Brandy Smith, a licensed psychologist. Individuals do this to avoid taking accountability for their actions while accepting care and empathy they do not deserve from others.
6. Making others feel drained
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Self-centeredness and never taking the time to truly consider the well-being of others can reveal a person’s true colors. When a person constantly leaves others feeling drained and emotionally exhausted, it may be a sign that they are a cruel person, especially if they are aware of the impact they are having.
When they know that they are emotionally harming someone, but they do not care because it is allowing them to benefit in some way, they are showing that they have little to no concern for how they make other people feel. Emotionally exploiting people is a sure sign that someone is quietly cruel and may be too toxic to have any kind of relationship with.
7. Never apologizing
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Individuals who constantly put their ego above caring for other people’s feelings may quietly be cruel. By refusing to apologize for their wrongdoings, a person is revealing that they do not see the bad in their actions, and they do not care about how what they do impacts the well-being of other people.
They would rather avoid setting their ego aside and not be vulnerable enough to apologize. They likely fear the potential unveiling of their true identity that could happen if they apologize.
“Admissions of wrongdoing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem,” explains Guy Winch, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist.
8. Acting selfishly
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Cruelty is often the result of constantly overlooking the well-being of others and putting oneself above everyone else all the time. This selfish behavior can reveal just how cruel a person actually is.
To never want what is best for others more than what is best for them shows a lack of empathy, and to never feel remorse for always putting themselves first, even at the expense of someone else’s feelings, signals that they are truly selfish and cruel. It is obviously okay to prioritize one’s needs, especially when something is harming them, but to never consider anyone else hinders the ability to develop healthy relationships.
9. Accepting but not giving
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A person who is always accepted by others but never gives may be a cruel person. This signals that they want others to constantly tend to their needs without ever having to do the same for anyone else.
Being self-centered in this way makes it difficult for them to consider the feelings of other people and ever prioritize someone else's desires over their own. This likely leads to them being exploitative and unempathetic in their relationships, which will negatively impact the people they have relationships with.
10. Never showing true empathy
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People who treat others poorly and never consider how their actions will make anyone else feel are typically quietly cruel people. They lack the empathy that is required for healthy relationships to flourish.
Instead of showing consideration, they feel a lack of remorse for their actions and consistently prioritize what is in their self-interest over what other people want or need. They view their own well-being as being more significant than anyone else’s, and they are not afraid to emotionally damage someone in order to achieve what they want.
11. Being overly critical of others
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Most of the time, when a person is overly critical of others, it is due to low self-esteem. They become cruel as a defense mechanism.
By being critical and rude, they aim to mask their own insecurities and boost their own self-worth by pulling other people down. Quietly cruel people may not seem as cruel as they are on the surface, but when the time is taken to evaluate their behaviors, their true colors start to shine through.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
