11 Phrases That Instantly Make Someone Look Emotionally Immature, According To Psychology
Their insecurities hold them back from positive social interactions.
MKavalenkau / Shutterstock Emotional immaturity can manifest in a number of ways depending on the person, but it often shows up in behaviors like guilt-tripping, avoidance, and blame-shifting that not only isolate people but negatively affect their mental and emotional well-being. Rooted in insecurity and low self-esteem, a person’s emotional immaturity often surfaces when they’re around others, becoming apparent in the way they communicate, handle conflict, and express themselves.
Many of the phrases that instantly make someone look emotionally immature, according to psychology, make other people feel dismissed, invalidated, and uncomfortable. These phrases and expressions undermine the trust, empathy, and understanding that healthy relationships require.
Here are 11 phrases that instantly make someone look emotionally immature, according to psychology
1. ‘I can do it myself’
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Especially in situations where a helping hand or advice would be truly useful, refusing to ask for help can make even smart and secure people appear emotionally immature. As a study from the Management Science journal suggests, asking people for help can boost a person’s social perception, helping them to be seen as more mature, confident, and intelligent.
When someone says “I don’t need help” or “I can do it myself” when they’re struggling, they’re not convincing anyone. They’re only isolating themselves and sabotaging any opportunities they may have for learning and growth.
2. ‘That’s not my fault’
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Emotionally mature people know how to support the people around them, even in situations where they haven’t done anything wrong or in conversations where they’re not at fault for hurting someone’s feelings. Even when they disagree, they’re present, intentional, and supportive. However, an emotionally immature person will always avoid taking accountability, using phrases like “that’s not my problem” or “that’s not my fault” to blame shift.
According to a study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, taking responsibility, owning up to mistakes, and even helping people when they’re not in the wrong is essential in every aspect of a person’s life, whether it’s personal relationships, internal wellbeing, or professional success.
3. ‘I don’t know’
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Whether it’s in a personal relationship or a professional environment, feigning ignorance or using a phrase like “I don’t know,” rather than seeking out an answer or a person to help, is one of the fastest ways to look more emotionally immature.
As psychologist Nick Wignall suggests, emotionally immature adults tend to be “all talk with no action.” They not only avoid taking accountability, but they also prefer to be stagnant in their comfort zone, rather than seeking out new experiences, knowledge, and connections. Even if that means turning away from a connection or a learning opportunity by saying “I don’t know” when someone asks for help, they’ll do it.
On the other hand, emotionally mature and secure people don’t have a problem admitting they don’t know something. They’ll even go out of their way to help people solve a problem or find an answer when they don’t.
4. ‘You’re overreacting’
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People who struggle with vulnerability, being honest, and regulating their own emotions will often dismiss and invalidate other people to feel more secure. By using phrases like “you’re overreacting” or “you don’t know what you’re talking about,” they bring other people down to their level, trying to feign a kind of companionship that soothes their insecurities.
It’s one of the phrases that instantly make someone look emotionally immature, according to trauma-informed therapist Amelia Kelley, Ph.D., because for truly secure people, it’s clear that they’re compensating for their own internal insecurity and confusion.
Everyone deserves to feel heard, supported, and appreciated in their conversations, which is why gaslighters tend to isolate themselves from forming truly healthy and mature relationships with others. They can't help but sabotage themselves.
5. ‘I know I won’t like it’
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People who use phrases like “I know I won’t like it” or “that’s not for me” in the face of this discomfort are generally emotionally mature. They’d prefer to remain stagnant in habits, routines, and environments that don’t push them outside their comfort zone, rather than try something new and set themselves up for perceived failure or embarrassment.
However, according to Dr. Karyn Hall, trying new things and pushing your comfort zone is the key to building self-esteem and emotional intelligence. If you never have the opportunity to practice navigating discomfort, you’ll never try anything new or build a more secure foundation of trust within yourself.
These phrases instantly make someone look emotionally immature, as they communicate to others that they’re not only unwilling to try new things, but also more concerned with protecting themselves from fear and embarrassment than pushing themselves toward growth.
6. ‘I don’t care’
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When someone uses the phrase “I don’t care” when it’s clear that they do or “I’m fine” when they’re really not, they’re only communicating to the people around them that they don’t have the knowledge, emotional intelligence, or communication skills to express how they’re feeling. They’d prefer to use passive-aggressive language, guilt-trip others, and engage in attention-seeking behaviors than be vulnerable, whether they realize it or not.
Of course, being emotionally immature isn’t a diagnosis. There are several personal and environmental reasons why a person may be avoidant of vulnerability or uncomfortable in the face of their emotions. However, making it other people’s problem by guilt-tripping them into misguided accountability or seeking constant validation is the perfect way to isolate oneself from healthy connections and be perceived in a negatively immature way.
7. ‘That’s not fair’
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By suggesting that something isn’t fair, what an emotionally immature person is really saying is “that’s not fair to me.” However, the most secure and competent people know that life is never fair. Things won’t go your way all the time.
To avoid taking accountability, dealing with the anxiety of getting outside of their comfort zone, and having to address their own complex emotions, emotionally immature people adopt a victim mentality with phrases like this. They not only isolate themselves from better connections, but they also sabotage their opportunities for growth.
8. ‘It’s just a joke’
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“It’s just a joke,” in the face of hurtful language or behaviors, is one of the phrases that instantly make someone look emotionally mature, according to psychology experts. It not only serves as a way for immature people to avoid taking accountability for their actions, but it also dismisses and invalidates the emotions and reactions of others.
While mature and intelligent people can healthily utilize jokes and humor to diffuse stressful interactions and bond with others, their immature counterparts use them to defend themselves when vulnerability and accountability are necessary.
9. ‘I’m always the bad guy’
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Rather than self-reflecting on their patterns of behavior, truly listening to other people’s concerns, and taking accountability, emotionally immature people hide behind phrases like “I’m always the bad guy” to self-soothe.
It’s one of the phrases that instantly make someone look emotionally immature, according to psychology experts, because it’s a manifestation of their internal insecurity. Even insecure people have the capacity to be competent and emotionally mature, but it takes intention and action to be comfortable enough to acknowledge their flaws and work toward growth.
10. ‘I don’t see what the big deal is’
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“I don’t see what the big deal is,” and “you sound crazy” are some of the phrases that instantly make someone look emotionally immature, according to psychology experts, because they dismiss and invalidate other people’s emotions. Rather than taking the time to actively listen and set their own social needs aside for a moment, they deflect and blame people for being vulnerable and open.
People who are uncomfortable with vulnerability and tend to be avoidant in the face of emotion often criticize others for their emotional intelligence. These conversations and interactions blatantly point out where they’re lacking, and if they don’t have the self-awareness or discipline to make a change, it can feel like a personal attack.
11. ‘Nobody understands me’
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Feeling consistently misunderstood, both internally and by others, can have a negative impact on personal well-being and health, according to a study published in the Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association. However, we hold some power over combating these feelings — we have a choice over who we can surround ourselves with and how we express ourselves to them.
Emotionally immature people often place their feelings of internal insecurity and being misunderstood on others without taking any personal action. They’ll blame people for not being mind-readers, expecting them to understand and care for them without expressing their own needs.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
