People Who Actually Enjoy Conflict Do 8 Sneaky Things To Keep Stirring It Up
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock If someone's bored with their life or trying to feel better about themselves, they'll often do some sneaky things to stir up conflict. People who actually enjoy conflict aren't always looking to settle a disagreement or work through a problem. Sometimes, they create it intentionally because the drama gives them something to focus on besides their own problems. They often think, if they can't control their own life, why not control someone else's narrative?
People who relish conflict can use sneaky tactics to keep the drama going, like pretending to help while making it harder for everyone involved to understand what really happened. For them, clearing things up means losing the drama that keeps them entertained, so these habits help keep the game going.
Here are 8 sneaky things people do when they want to stir up a little drama:
1. They reveal other people's secrets
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Often, people reveal others' secrets because they believe it aligns with their own moral code. As an Arizona State University study explains, they try to punish the person who told them the secret, especially if they don't believe it aligns with their own morals and values.
However, in this case, someone who reveals another's secrets to stir the pot is likely projecting their own chaos or trying to entertain themselves. It's less about a strong moral compass and more about creating entertainment for themselves to indulge in.
2. They spread rumors
According to a 2021 study, many people who intentionally create chaos and love to stir the pot feel misunderstood or mistreated themselves. So, despite how petty spreading and starting rumors seems on paper, they may have a much more nuanced, emotional reason for doing it internally.
Whether it's lying about someone or intentionally creating a narrative around a story they know will make someone angry, they'd prefer everything around them to feel chaotic to match the things they're already facing inside.
3. They make intentionally vague comments
Withholding information and making vague comments like "Why else would they do it?" are common in someone who loves drama. If telling the truth would lead to a productive conversation or healthy conflict, they're not interested in that way.
They want people to fill in the blanks without nuance. They want someone to think they're being wronged. They want to spread rumors, usually without taking any accountability for lying or spreading blatantly untrue stories.
4. They exaggerate stories to rile people up
Many people who need others' attention or external chaos to feel secure lie to spice up their lives. In these scenarios, that often means exaggerating stories and people's actions to create drama.
They’re not necessarily telling a bald-faced lie, but they're also not telling the truth. Whether it's making someone think another person's intentions were malicious or exaggerating someone's actions against them, they rile people up with stories that usually lack nuance or the full picture.
5. They fuel both sides of an argument
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People who love to stir the pot defend someone intensely when others aren't around. They give both sides ammunition to enter an argument angrily by offering insincere reassurance, then play the victim card when people call them out for not taking a side.
They say things like "they're totally in the wrong" or "you need to tell them" to both sides of an argument, and then step back to entertain themselves when things come to a head.
6. They make everything black and white
All-or-nothing thinking paints people as outsiders, fueling anger and frustration before a conflict has even begun. Instead of allowing the emotions, feelings, and nuanced perspectives we need for healthy conflict into conversations, these people fuel more rigid expectations and angry arguments that don't do anyone any good.
Someone's always right, and the other is wrong. One person deserves all the respect and the other none. This kind of language and mentality creates completely unproductive conflict.
7. They withhold information
Instead of telling the full truth, someone hoping to stir the pot withholds information that would make conflict and arguments less exciting for them to watch. They turn people against each other when they're on the same page and create confusion that leads to anger, all for their own gain.
Instead of supporting vulnerability and transparency, they mislead people by telling only part of the truth, leaving them more confused about where they actually stand.
8. They play the victim
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Even if they're the culprit, spreading rumors and riling everyone up for no reason, someone who loves to stir the pot also loves to play the victim card. They pretend to be completely innocent, when in reality, they love the drama and being at the center of it all.
This not only escalates everyone else's anger but also lets them keep entertaining themselves without any real consequences.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human-interest stories.
