People Who Didn't Learn These 11 Life Lessons In Their 30s Will Likely Struggle In Their 40s & Beyond
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock Many people believe that your life ends after your 20s. That couldn’t be further from the truth. When I entered my 30s, I felt more comfortable in my skin. It allowed me to grow as an individual, while also staying rooted in what I learned from the previous decade.
In your 30s, there is a lot to learn. Many of us were settling into our careers and taking on more responsibilities. This decade is when you realize what is truly important. There are certain life lessons we pick up along the way. If someone missed the memo on these, they will likely struggle into their 40s and beyond. It can be hard to gain these skills later in life. Your 30s are the best time to sort through what matters and what doesn’t. It can be difficult to move forward if these lessons are not learned by this period in your life.
People who didn't learn these 11 life lessons in their 30s will likely struggle in their 40s & beyond:
1. They don't prioritize their health
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We have all heard the saying that health is wealth. It is. If we are not properly caring for ourselves, other aspects of our lives will crumble. In your 30s, it's essential to learn that investing in your health is crucial. Otherwise, you will pay for it into your 40s and beyond.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends staying on top of your health by scheduling regular appointments with your doctor, staying up-to-date on vaccines, and eating healthy. These are small things that make a big impact on your health. If you are not proactive in maintaining your health, you may experience negative effects in the future.
2. They never learn emotional regulation
In my 30s, I finally got in touch with my emotions. It was something I struggled with through my 20s. My emotions felt too big to handle. Over time, I learned regulation skills that allowed me to center myself more easily. I was able to respond calmly and work through negativity better than I had in the decade before.
In your 30s, people should be able to teach themselves emotional regulation. It’s important. It aids in conflict resolution and regulates behavior. People who didn’t learn this skill will find themselves caught in a cycle. They will let their emotions run wild into their 40s and beyond.
3. They avoid building financial stability
Unfortunately, financial security isn’t always in our own hands. The world is constantly changing, making it hard to survive on our paychecks at times. However, if someone didn’t learn how to properly maintain their finances in their 30s, they will struggle with it for years to come. The sooner we develop healthy spending habits, the better.
In my 20s, I was a spending fiend. I loved the quick thrill of buying something new. However, as I got older, I learned quickly that having extra money in the bank was more important than lining my closet with new things. Several banks recommend learning how to properly budget (and stick to it), building an emergency fund, and avoiding unnecessary debt in your 30s to prepare you for success in the future.
4. They stay overly concerned with other people's opinions
It can feel like everyone has all eyes on you all of the time. It can cloud our judgment. When we worry about what others will think of us, we will make decisions based on how they will be received rather than how it will positively impact our lives. In your 30s, you need to learn to forget what others think of you and live unapologetically.
“At some point in our lives, we start believing that just being who we are isn’t enough. We let other people—“successful” people—tell us what and who we need to be to feel content. In that process, we lose what’s important to us. We lose sight of our own path. We forget where we set out to go in the first place,” says Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D., for Psychology Today. Going into your 40s, still concerned about this will set you up for failure.
5. They fail to nurture healthy relationships
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We have all been guilty of putting too much effort into relationships that do not serve us. When you are in your 30s, it’s important to figure out who matters most. Gone are the days of bad partners and even worse friends. Nurturing the people in your life who show up for you and provide you with the love and support you deserve matters most.
According to Harvard Health, spending quality time with loved ones is important. By the time someone reaches 40, they should have put effort into their relationships, both romantic and platonic, and be experiencing them flourishing. If not, they are bound to struggle to find healthy bonds.
6. They struggle with effective communication
It’s important to grasp effective communication by your 30s. As people move in their careers, they need the ability to advocate for themselves, as well as lead a team as they move up the career ladder. It’s not always easy. It requires not only clear communication on your end, but the ability to actively listen when others address you. While skills can always be learned, setting yourself up for success means locking down these abilities as early as possible.
Intention is more important than technique with effective communication skills. When you are in your 30s, you should take the time to learn how to convey your thoughts properly. If not, it may be trickier to master in your 40s and beyond.
7. They can't set boundaries without guilt
When we are in our 20s, it can be easy to form relationships without boundaries. It’s easier to say yes to everything and allow others to treat us however they want than to stand up for ourselves. As we move into our 30s, it’s time to learn how to set healthy boundaries. Doing this is not easy, and it requires effective communication skills.
Psychology Today states that setting healthy boundaries starts with the ability to say no. Also, be sure to make them firm but flexible. Be assertive when needed, but flexible when allowed. If someone has failed to master this skill in their 30s, they will be easily taken advantage of in their 40s and beyond.
8. They lack self-respect and self-worth
Your 30s and 40s can feel more difficult than the prior decades. It’s because we have developed trauma along the way. It can impact our every move. Whether it’s how we approach relationships or how we see ourselves, working through these feelings to find true, genuine love and respect for ourselves is important. If someone fails to do this in their 30s, they will likely struggle moving forward.
By your 30s, you will begin to feel like the foundation you built yourself is faulty. You may start to doubt yourself. Instead, it’s important to work through these feelings and move beyond them. Respecting yourself will show others how to treat you.
9. They hold onto resentment instead of forgiving
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It is harder to forgive than it is to hold a grudge. Sometimes, we’d rather hold onto grief than let it go, as finding a way to move forward feels impossible. In your 30s, you should learn how to forgive and forget. It’s a skill that, if you don’t learn it when you’re younger, you’ll likely struggle with age. It can impact every relationship you have.
If you struggle to forgive, you are carrying a heavy burden on your shoulders. You feel angry and bitter, question new relationships, are unable to live in the present, and develop mental health problems like anxiety and depression. When you manage to grasp forgiveness as a life lesson, you will feel successful with age.
10. They ignore work-life balance
Our 30s and 40s have been called the ‘rush hour of life.’ These are the decades we are putting the most effort into our careers while also trying to balance a family life. If you never come to terms with the fact that your job will suffer if you do not nurture yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure. While it can be hard to find balance, learning to do so in your 30s is required, or your 40s and beyond will feel exhausting.
In your 20s, you are still figuring out what you’d like to do for work. In your 30s, you become more secure in your career. You may also reach milestones, like marriage and children. Finding balance between all of this is a life lesson that we all must learn, or we will struggle with throughout the rest of our lives.
11. They stop asking questions
By our 30s, we feel like we should know everything. However, we never stop learning. Getting comfortable with asking questions during this period in your life will set you up for success moving forward. Those who are fearful of seeming unintelligent by asking questions will suffer into their 40s and beyond. Without being able to ask questions, we are setting ourselves up for failure in both our careers and personal lives.
“Ask questions, it can be humbling. The amount of knowledge I have learned from asking my mechanic a surplus of questions is astounding,” says Kristen Fuller, M.D., for Psychology Today. It can be intimidating, but you will be glad you conquered your fear and learned something new.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
